Our Day

This is Deb:

It's 12:42 in the morning and sleep is not coming easily. My mind keeps replaying our day like a tape recorder with no off button. 

Stew recently told me that "Quiet time" with the Father should be changed to "Reflection time." His reasoning was that we are created in the image of God and we are a reflection of Him in this life we live. That meant we needed to sit more in the Presence of the Father asking to hear His heart and reflect more on Who He is...His character and His Word...so we would reflect more of Him than ourselves. In the mornings and evenings prior to this hospital stay I would find Stew sitting in his chair with his eyes closed, not just because he was so tired, but because He was reflecting on God in silent worship. 

Whatever the Father was pouring into Stew during that time is now being reflected in the hospital. He is uncomplaining, smiling to all who come in his room, and ready to fight for a future. There is an added gentle peace to his countenance that transcends the weariness in his eyes and discomfort in his body. Another reason why he is my hero.

I want to be more like him. Today began a little rough as I battled between what I saw and what I believed. My eyes saw the now 27 pound weight loss, but my heart cried out for healing. My hands felt the bony-ness of his hands holding mine, and my mind remembered how strong they have always been. Circumstances or Faith? I was a little like the man in the Bible, who when seeking healing for his son, answered the question of Jesus about if he believed by saying, "I believe. Help my unbelief." That man had a rough moment, too. 

But, that's not the end of the story. Jesus saw the need and healed his son. Jesus saw my need and chased that rough start of the day away over and over again with grace moments. 

• Dr. Kinsella spoke to us about recognizing that God was in control and giving us an example from her own life. She spoke of prayer, faith, and things that really mattered. She offered no promises, but she reminded us of the One Who is the Promise Keeper.
• One of the staff thought Stew might like a visit from a therapy dog named Macy. This beautiful big marshmallow of a yellow lab bounded straight for Stew when she came in the room and began to lick the side of his face loving on him. What a sweet moment it was! 
• Stew was able to get some restful sleep in the afternoon.
• Amy and family were there in the evening and we talked, laughed, prayed and did life as normal.
• Our son, Ben, surprised us with a late evening text to say that he will be here in the morning. Actually this morning, now. Joy!
• We received encouraging texts, emails, blog site comments that gifted us with words of faith, prayer, encouragement, and practical help around our house.
• My sis spent the day and this evening simply being there.
• The staff continued to minister good care and kindness with beautiful smiles.

God's grace was woven throughout the entire day because of others. He is so faithful to minister to us even when we hit a rough spot between what we see and what we believe. His love is not based on us always having everything together. He loves us because we are His. In our weakness He is strong. So thankful! 

Prayer:

The chemo did not begin today. Treatment will begin first thing in the morning. (Thursday) There was a delay due to a test that was done and results not received in time. Please keep Stew in your prayers throughout the day and continue to pray/wage warfare for healing. Sounds like the chemo is going to be about a 6 hour process.  Faces to the Wall. :-)

Thankful for you,

Stew and Deb
Isaiah 26:3

 STAR PATIENT

Signs we saw when entering the 6th floor oncology wing. God's comforting Word.

Well, the bone marrow biopsy is complete, port for chemo inserted, and the type of chemo Stew will be given has been decided. It is a relatively new treatment that for some patients has proven to be less harsh on their body, and has brought about remission for some, as well. So very much hoping and praying he is one.  

The nurses have been very kind, helpful, and thoughtful. His oncologist is informative and really seems to care. Even the person doing the registration said she would be praying for us. What a blessing to hear comments like that throughout the day from those responsible for your care!

As more information comes our way it feels a little as though we are in a foreign land receiving a crash course on a language we have never heard before. Glad everyone is so patient with our questions, and we (I)do ask a lot. The nurse even personally printed out two information sheets for us with definitions and explanations of some of what was taking place. 

Stew handled the day with grace and a gentle smile... even the things we didn't exactly enjoy hearing. That is probably why he was told that he was their Star Patient for the day. I know he is definitely mine! :-)

You blessed us this day with your texts, words of encouragement, and offers of help.

We thank God upon every remembrance of you, and we do remember you a lot.

Gary and Deb

Prayer Requests:
Good response to chemo

Healing

Strength in Stew's body

Our family

Those caring for Stew...that they will have wisdom, and we will see and not miss our opportunities to bless them as they are blessing us.

Yesterday and Today...

Yesterday we heard words we didn't want to. Words such as:

Bone marrow biopsy

Chemo

Port 

50/50

Hospitalization Tuesday (today)

Malignant lymphomas in 3 locations, but other test results not in yet

Stage 4

Aggressive

Yesterday we heard words we needed to hear:

God was with us and so was our friend.

Text from a friend asking how my "best friend was doing." 

Blogsite comment reminding us of who we were, Who God was in our lives, and of memories shared from years gone by.

Family texts of I love yous and "Face to the Wall" reminders

Phone calls/messages of prayers of encouragement

Yesterday we were:

Filled with hope

Hit with fear

Overcome with thankfulness

Crying silently

Laughing out loud

Battling thoughts

Making difficult phone calls

Navigating through words we didn't want to have to speak out loud

Speaking volumes without sound...but by the grip of a hand and reassurance of a hug

Today we (Stew) are:

Waiting for a hospital call

Facing a bone marrow biopsy

Insertion of a port

Looking at a possible first round of chemo

Staying in the hospital at least three days

Quietly staying close

Praying

Standing on God's Word

Facing the Wall

Today we ask for:

Your prayers

You to Face the Wall with us

Good Reports

Strength and courage

Peace and Hope

God's overwhelming tangible presence

Wisdom

Healing, Healing, Healing

A Future

A glimpse into my wonderful husband's heart and faith:

Stew: Deb, I know we don't get to go see the Steelers play this year because of the finances in buying a new home, but next year we are going.

Me: Are you missing getting to see the Steelers play?

Stew: I am just believing  that I do have a future.

Thanking God for you,

Gary and Deb

Isaiah 38:2-3

Swingin' and Restin'

Exodus 33:14 “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

So thankful we splurged on this big old sturdy swing about 10 years ago to set in the back yard. It has been covered many times over with Thompson Water Seal and different types of cushions. There has been a lot of talking, book reading, sharing, popsicles, hot cocoa, star gazing, jumping off of, praying, and snuggling shared on that swing. Today it is the perfect place to rest for this thin, but still oh-so-handsome husband of mine. :-)

Prayer: Monday afternoon at 3:30 is our return visit to the Oncologist to receive the results of the tests that have been done this past week, and her recommendations.  Please continue praying.   As our daughter-in-law Nili shared...

Mrs Debbie, we are praying and believing for a miracle in Pawcaw's body! He is faithful that promised and He cannot lie! We don't deny reality we just deny its right to attack Pawcaw! 

Thanking God for you. Thank you for the loving and encouraging texts, comments, and cards we have already received. You are a blessing!

In Him,

Gary and Deb

There is a passage in Isaiah 38 that speaks of the time the Lord sent the prophet Isaiah to Hezekiah to tell him to set his house in order. Hezekiah was told he was not going to recover from his sickness and would die.

Verse 2 reads this way: "Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord."   He reminded God of his relationship with Him and wept. The Message Bible says that Hezekiah prayed with painful tears. It goes on to say that God heard his prayers, saw his tears, and extended his life by 15 years.  

    

We have shed a few painful tears ourselves here at the Stewart household recently. God gave me this passage as a glimmer of hope and reminder of His love during one of those times of tears. It has become the heart cry of our family. 

   Two weeks ago today, Stew saw our doctor because he had lost 20 lbs in three weeks, had little to no energy, and his stomach was causing discomfort/pain. Tests were scheduled for Monday. We knew that meant something was not right. Our life began to change...we hoped for a simple solution, but none were offered.

• Monday at 1:00 - tests done. 5:45 pm phone call to Stew. Lab results-abnormal white blood count/ anemia and more. Test report- several large lymphomas in the abdomen. Appointment would be scheduled with oncologist and gastroenterologist.  When Stew walked in the door I knew by his face.  As he hugged me he repeatedly whispered in my ear. "I am so sorry, Deb. I am so sorry." We held on to each other.
• Monday evening -phone calls to family. How do you speak out to those you love what might be when you can't grasp it for yourself ? So thankful for family.
• Tuesday - appointments scheduled.
• Wednesday- we saw the gastroenterologist who informed us there was also what appeared to be a tumor/mass in Stew's colon. (We left there numb. Who knew that numbness and hope could walk hand in hand?)
• Thursday -we had a visit with the oncologist who proceeded to give us more reports. Chemo was mentioned. She was amazingly kind, encouraging, and spoke of God and hope. Thankful for God's continuous grace and glimpses of His love. We made it out of the building before tears began to fall for me. Stew was simply stunned. We rode home in silence, hands clasped together, as we tried to take it all in. That night coping humor kicked in as we both had the thought "at least there is one less thing to be concerned about...he won't have to deal with losing his hair." Faces to the wall in prayer.
• Friday -another colonoscopy. Not only one tumor, but two in the colon area. Both appeared to be malignant. This was in addition to the dispersed lymphomas throughout the abdomen. Again, as we left, the dr. spoke of prayers and possibilities. Even the nurse who escorted Stew to the car told us we would be in her prayers and blessings. Thankful for medical professionals who pray and tell you they do. Faith builders! A few more tears.
• Monday -phone call from oncologist's office. PET scan needed. Scheduled for Friday.
• Tuesday -call from the gastroentologist stating the need for a lower bowel series to see if cancer has moved into that area as well. Scheduled for Thursday.
• Wednesday -pause day. Thankful to be able to treat the day like a semi- normal Wednesday. We worked on more painting, lights, etc. in the house. Teased Stew that he was driven to get things done. He gave me that half smile of his and said, "I'm driven for you." He is trying to get as many things done in the house as he can...even though he is tired.
• Thursday -phone call. Colonoscopy report/biopsy results had returned. It was what they thought. 
• Thursday -PET scan completed. Stew didn't realize  he dealt with mild claustrophobia until he spent time in the "tunnel." Prayer is such a comfort. He came home so tired.
• Today -lower bowel series. Can take 2-6 hours depending on how it progresses.
• Monday -another meeting with the oncologist. Our mind knows what is taking place, but our hearts hope that we will walk in there and be told it was all a mistake. After all, that is what it feels like...not real...a big mistake.

      We don't know how to respond to what is happening except to throw ourselves back on God each time more news comes in and to choose hope.  Sometimes, all you can do is simply go through life the best you can. The unknown is an anxiety giver, and the known can bring fear. So there are moments through out the day that you fight...and other moments that you rest. 

      There are times when it is life as normal, and times when I look at my husband's tired eyes, less strong body, and increasing thin-ness and want to yell, "No! This is not what life is suppose to be about. He is suppose to be  strong and healthy so he can enjoy this new season of life!"  Truthfully though, this is our life right now. But, our God today is the same God who led us to the decision for me to stop working full time and look for something part time, to move to a smaller home, etc. His provision was already in place. Not because He "made" anything happen, but because He knew what was ahead and was already making a way for us. Not a way to despair, but a journey of hope. He has not been caught off guard. He never is.  (We might need to be reminded of this in the days ahead, so feel free to remind us:-) Some days you are simply stronger than others.

      Does that mean we are double-minded? No. It simply means we love each other, but are trying to remember we love God more. We are continually turning our faces to the wall..sometimes in faith, sometimes in uncertainty. But, we are not going to blindly receive the report of man without taking it all to God. Why? Because we know that just as God did with Hezekiah, God hears our prayers and sees our tears, too. We want that 15 years longer ...or more... report on Monday!

      In fact, when something new arises it has become our family's battle cry and reminder to each other to say, "Face to the wall." In other words, face towards God. It places us in a position of standing together in faith...a position of prayer. 

      In the meantime though, life continues on, and it should.  We are still painting the interior of our "new to us" house, checking items off the house remodel list, and taking rest breaks more often than before. We are still sitting on the living room floor (no furniture), boxes in the garage yet to be unpacked, and nothing on the kitchen counters as we wait for new counter tops. In other words, it looks as though we are still moving. :-)

     We created an I-tunes play list filled with songs of victory, healing, praise, and even a few of our favorite love songs that plays almost continuously throughout the day. ( More, Trust in You, Miracle Maker, Unredeemed, Blessings, and Whose Report Will You Believe are a few of our favorites.) Any suggestions... we will take them! Scriptures are also strategically placed in the house to remind us of God's faithfulness, His love, and to give thanks in all things.

    All the above to say, we would like to ask you to join our family in prayer as we trust God and turn our face to the wall for Stew. If it is something you feel you can do, please click the link to follow the blog and be notified when a new one is posted.  Stew and I discussed what would be the best and easiest way to keep those praying with us informed of what is taking place, and a private blog page seemed to be the answer. It is difficult at times to hear yourself speak words out loud to others that you don't want to hear yourself.  And, writing creates another way to share when you can't articulate verbally. Of course, this doesn't mean you won't be getting phone calls from me as well,

This is the only blog post we will personally email. From now on you will be automatically  notified there is a new one, if you choose to click the "follow" button. We won't be posting links or notifications of new posts on face book. We simply want prayer from those who love him. You can also email me your number, or text me, to let us know you want to be included when we send out quick texts with prayer requests and praises as the journey begins/continues to healing. That is if you want to receive the mini updates. But, more than anything else, please pray.

     Thank you for being our friends.

        Love,

       Stew and Deb
*Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; and the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.* Isaiah 58:8
Thanks, Dee, for sharing this verse to pray over Stew. :-)