What Do You Do When You Get News You Don't Want?

You...

Cry: Oh, how I, Deb, do everything I can not to cry when we are with the doctor! This time was a miserable fail. :-(

Sit very still: That's Stew. :-)

Comfort and express gratitude for the doctor: He is trying everything he can on our behalf.

Call your family: This is added hurt because of how very much you love them.You know they are praying and believing, and it is painful to share something with those you love that on the surface appears to be in opposition to what is hoped for. Especially when you can't accompany it with a hug and share in person.

Work in the yard: (Do life as normal)

Cry some more: Actually tears kind of splatter themselves throughout the day unbidden. And not just out of sadness, but of gratitude and hope, too. They just get all mingled together. Kind of like life.

Put aside: electronics, face book, television for a few hours, and accept your son's offer to share the news with all who care.

Hug and touch a lot.

Pray: A bunch of words jumbled with emotion, half completed sentences, and no fully developed thoughts, yet fully developed in  numbness and hope. Words that are driven by a deep need and yearning for the One God more than the one answer.

Fill the house with songs: Worship songs mixed with love songs.

Give thanks: We have so many people and things to be thankful for!

Pray again: For our family and those who are staying so close to us.

Talk: about the dream trip Stew would like to take. (Right now it is a toss up between seeing the Steelers play this season, going to Yellowstone National Park, Scotland, Colorado, and of course, seeing all our friends and family.)

Sleep

Wake up: Reminding yourself of God's new mercies for the day, and His word in your heart declaring, "Do not be dismayed or discouraged because of this vast army, For the battle is not yours, but God's."2 Chronicles 20:15

Yesterday, as Ben shared, we did not receive the news hoped for. Stew is not in remission. And, for the first time an estimated time of life was shared. That one hit hard.

Today Stew is going in the hospital for his longest stay yet, five days. He will receive a hyper round of a different chemo with some being given in his spine. The cancer in the bone marrow has progressed as well. The thought is that to do this might help prevent the cancer from spreading to his brain, or slow it down.

So, the boys (boxers) are with our friend Barry. Charlee is going to the kennel, and bags are packed by the door. Now we wait on the phone call telling us a room is ready.

Thank you for the prayers and fasting.
Thank you for the gift you are to us.

Love,
Stew and Deb

You Make Me Sing on the Battlefield.

https://youtu.be/IyVP1ImEj9s

Dad's Appointment Today

Hey,

We didn't get the news we were believing for today. BUT- Still believing, still seeking what to do from here.Thank you for the prayers, and more prayers are appreciated.

Ben

More than you'll ever know. Thank you!

You have been such an intricate part of our lives this past year. You have truly given us a life changing example of what it means to be the body of Christ in words and deeds.

Each of you have your own lives to live, your own battles to fight, yet the faithfulness and love you have displayed in actively standing side by side with us as Stew battles cancer has revealed the Father in you to us. Because of you we have seen His kindness, His goodness, His love, His faithfulness, and we have not walked alone.

We can not think about you without gratitude and prayers flooding our hearts. 

You have taken on a burden that wasn't your own and haven't set it aside or given up.

There are not enough words to express what is in our hearts.

Thank you!

Love, 

Stew and Deb

A Look Back. A Look Forward:

We walk by faith, not by sight.

 2 Corinthians 5:7

It dawned on us today that on the 28th of July, 2016, we met with the oncologist for the first time and life changed as we knew it. That is when it was confirmed Stew had an advanced stage of cancer called mantle cell lymphoma.

And, this coming Wednesday, 28 July, 2017, exactly a year later, we meet with Dr. B. to be told if the tests show Stew is in remission. This is our third time facing a meeting like this, and as you know, the past two times did not bring the news we were waiting to hear. We are so hoping and believing this time will be different.

That said, we have decided we definitely have reasons to celebrate this Tuesday evening, before we see the doctor on Wednesday, with a date night.  Here we are, a year later, and cancer has not won. Stew is still here, we are still making memories, and  still living life together. What a gift we have been given!

In fact, we are going to have two date nights within this next week, The 31st of July we celebrate our 46th wedding anniversary. Last year our anniversary was overshadowed with the possibility that it could be our last...not true.

It's going to be a blessed week.

Thank you for your continued prayers!

Face To The Wall,
Love and prayers,
Stew and Deb

Random practical info about cancer and chemo in Stew's life that you might not know...and more.

Chemo:
-Hand sanitizer becomes your very needed best friend.
-Protective face masks smell.
-At different times face masks are part of your wardrobe.
-Hair doesn't only disappear from your head, but from your chest, back, legs, and even armpits.
-Chemo brain (fog) is real.
-A rubber bracelet identifying you as a chemo-with-port patient is worn at all times.
-Taste buds continually change. One day something tastes good, the next day it doesn't.
-Bathroom sinks become mini medicine cabinets.
-You are a human pin cushion. (This was the first one Stew thought of)
-Bathroom restrictions are in place for 48 hours after chemo:
   Toilet lid down before flushing.
   Family members don't use the same toilet.
   Clean after each use.
-Baskets of saltines are part of the hospital decor.
-Treatments are identified by letters:
  RCHOP
  CVAD
  etc.
-A good thermometer by the bedside is necessary.
-No manual razors, only electric. Why? When platelets are low you can't risk cutting yourself and  bleeding. It could be a guaranteed trip to the hospital.
-Water, water, water...at least 8 bottles a day.
-You can feel okay in the morning and be almost unable to function in the afternoon.
- Average number of trips to the the doctor/hospital/infusion center are 1-2 times a week.
-Neuropathy becomes a factor in your day. Especially in the way your legs work.


Cancer:
-You can look good on the outside and  still be dying on the inside.
-Bone biopsies hurt.
-It's not a respecter of race, culture, sex, or age. Just last week during our 15 minutes in the waiting  room we waited with a child, teenager, mom, dad, grandparent, male, female, African Americans,  Asians, Caucasians, etc.
-The word "Cancer" is not a one size fits all. There are over 100 major groups of cancer. And, each of  those can be broken down to different types within the group.
   Example:                      Blood Cancers
                                     Three main groups
                        Leukemia, Lymphoma, and Myeloma
                                   Types of Lymphoma
                    NHL (Non Hodgkins)        HL (Hodgkins)
                              61 types                         4 types
                      (mantle cell is NHL)
-What helps one type of cancer might not help another when taking chemo. Example: When some  heard Stew had cancer, caring recommendations were made that Stew drink green tea and use frankincense. I drink at least one cup of green tea a day because it  is good for you. Yet, for Stew it would have been potentially harmful. With one of the chemos he has taken, green tea has been proven to inhibit the effectiveness of the treatments. And, the same was true of frankincense.
-Some cancer symptoms are the same as chemo symptoms so you don't always know which one is    affecting you.
-Weight matters.
-Toast is the one staple that almost always tastes good.
-You pray to live, but prepare to die. Medical power of attorney, living will directive, update of wills, financial power of attorney, etc. are all necessary forms/paperwork to be completed.

Updates:
-As many know, two weeks ago Stew had a very difficult week as he had developed a viral infection.  Praise God, he is much better now. Things like that make us appreciate even more the good, good  days we have. Thank you to all who prayed, shared scriptures, songs, sweet gifts, and words of encouragement.
-Last week we spent the day at the hospital going through all the tests for re-staging. We were also  given a tentative plan for the days ahead, but we have many questions yet to be answered before  final decisions are made.

Thank you for your continued prayers.
Love,
Stew and Deb

A few pictures from the past couple of weeks.