It's 4:30 in the morning and Stew has just battled another bout of nausea. Sitting outside seems to help him some, so that is what we do. On chilly mornings, like today, he is wrapped up in the Steeler's blanket from head to toe. He is now back in bed asleep.
Recently it seems as though the nausea attacks come more during the night and wee dawn hours. Hospice has provided some sublingual pills for nausea and for that we are very thankful.
The oxygen is definitely helping him breathe and rest better. The sound of it in the room has put our boxer, Morgan, on edge. But, Charlee is sticking to Stew like glue. She sleeps on the floor right beside his bed and doesn't voluntarily move except for food and potty runs.
I have a mattress under the hospital bed that I can pull out to sleep near him, too. I guess we just all need to be close together.
These past few days have been made up of tears, tender moments, pain, and prayer. But somewhere in the moments, Stew's gentle smile will sneak its way into my heart and all is okay simply because he's here.
A recap of the most recent changes:
Pain crisis: While at an appointment on Monday, April 23, Stew's body, even with the pain medicines he was taking, could no longer restrain the pain. He had experienced two pain attacks at home before even making it to the hospital, but this one was even more aggressive. Everyone went into urgency mode. It was a pain crisis which is "a medical emergency that requires aggressive assessment and intervention." He was immediately admitted to the hospital and a morphine drip was initiated along with close monitoring. It was bad. We kept praying that he would make it home again. Praise God, he did!
God Blessings: Our compassionate, caring, experienced team of medical professionals. Our nurse, AJ, whom we love and appreciate dearly came in at one point and held me with the kind of hug that allows you to just break a little and yet gives strength at the same time. There is something to be said about the offering of shared tears and the difference it makes. She remained with Stew and I every minute, even going with us to the hospital room and making sure that he was settled in.
While there Stew had the care of one of our favorite oncology floor nurses, who is a cancer survivor herself, and one of our special-to-us praying aides.
Amy brought everything I needed to the hospital and visited with us each evening, as did Clarke. And our dear friend Debby immediately stepped in, without being asked, and stayed at our house to care for my sister who could not be left alone.
What a breath giver they all were, along with those who were praying. I would not have known where or how to begin to ask for help. Stew was the only thing on my mind. But, they all knew and just did.
Before leaving, we had a visit with the social worker about Hospice Care. It was a difficult discussion that ended with us saying we needed to speak with our children first.
Family: Stew was discharged with a pain patch and time released morphine pills Wednesday evening. We had a reprieve once again. Ben and family arrived Friday morning and stayed until Monday afternoon. Such a joy giver it was to have all of our family together! So much laughter, time, tears, and more. (The next post will include pictures and share more.)
God Blessings: As soon as they knew our family was coming in, two friends offered their homes and vehicles for their use. Four of our neighbors went together and provided homemade food in abundance to feed all 16 of us. Another friend who lives 30 minutes away, brought fruit, stuffed peppers, rice-krispie treats, soup and more! She also spent time on the patio with me and gave the gift of a listening ear, shared tears, and prayer. Yet another friend filled a metal tub with all kinds of snacks for the family along with bringing bottled water. All gifts...all a blessing. There is something burden-lifting when others have traveled so closely with you that they know the needs without asking. Again, if someone had asked me what was needed, I wouldn't have been able to answer.
In an emotionally tender and special time, friends and neighbors stepped forward, gave out of their hearts, and caused us to continue to be able to breathe and simply enjoy our family time together.
Hospice: The Tuesday after Ben and family left, Stew's body began to undergo subtle changes. He was hurting again. On Thursday his breaths were causing pain almost continuously.
By Thursday night he was experiencing increased difficulty breathing and vomiting. It was our longest night thus far. We called Dr. B. He told us this was the cancer. Stew did not want to go to the hospital. He wanted to remain at home.
Prayers were requested via the Prayer for My Dad page. Stew tried to rest in the recliner and I stretched out on the floor by his feet praying...declaring...imploring God for help and time.
Friday morning at 8:30 am Hospice called and by 10 am they were in our home. With our agreement to accept Hospice Care, Dr. B. had requested them ASAP. By Friday afternoon the hospital bed, oxygen, and other equipment was set up. Later that evening medicines and a comfort pack were delivered to our door.
God Blessings: His faithful Presence at ALL times.
The prayers of many, the words of hope and encouragement, and the kindness!
Dawnie, limited in mobility, but still praying while everything was happening.
Amy's love and support. She was here late that Thursday night talking with a pharmacist, getting ginger ale for her dad, and even making a trip to Whole Foods for ginger oil in an attempt to settle his stomach. She came again Friday morning for emotional support when Hospice arrived.
The needed conversation of what was possibly ahead and signing of the paperwork stripped away most of my tears' control. But, all three of the Hospice people were compassionate, kind, and explained everything in a gentle directed manner. The gentleman in training even helped move the furniture out of the Steeler Room to make space for the hospital bed.
Everything they did was aimed at bringing Stew's body to a place of comfort and relief. It worked.
Things are changing again and we don't know what is yet to come, but as long as Stew is still here we have reason to hope,
reason to believe,
reason to fight,
and reason to be thankful.
Faces to the Wall,
Love,
Stew and Deb
