There is a passage in Isaiah 38 that speaks of the time the Lord sent the prophet Isaiah to Hezekiah to tell him to set his house in order. Hezekiah was told he was not going to recover from his sickness and would die.

Verse 2 reads this way: "Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord."   He reminded God of his relationship with Him and wept. The Message Bible says that Hezekiah prayed with painful tears. It goes on to say that God heard his prayers, saw his tears, and extended his life by 15 years.  

    

We have shed a few painful tears ourselves here at the Stewart household recently. God gave me this passage as a glimmer of hope and reminder of His love during one of those times of tears. It has become the heart cry of our family. 

   Two weeks ago today, Stew saw our doctor because he had lost 20 lbs in three weeks, had little to no energy, and his stomach was causing discomfort/pain. Tests were scheduled for Monday. We knew that meant something was not right. Our life began to change...we hoped for a simple solution, but none were offered.

• Monday at 1:00 - tests done. 5:45 pm phone call to Stew. Lab results-abnormal white blood count/ anemia and more. Test report- several large lymphomas in the abdomen. Appointment would be scheduled with oncologist and gastroenterologist.  When Stew walked in the door I knew by his face.  As he hugged me he repeatedly whispered in my ear. "I am so sorry, Deb. I am so sorry." We held on to each other.
• Monday evening -phone calls to family. How do you speak out to those you love what might be when you can't grasp it for yourself ? So thankful for family.
• Tuesday - appointments scheduled.
• Wednesday- we saw the gastroenterologist who informed us there was also what appeared to be a tumor/mass in Stew's colon. (We left there numb. Who knew that numbness and hope could walk hand in hand?)
• Thursday -we had a visit with the oncologist who proceeded to give us more reports. Chemo was mentioned. She was amazingly kind, encouraging, and spoke of God and hope. Thankful for God's continuous grace and glimpses of His love. We made it out of the building before tears began to fall for me. Stew was simply stunned. We rode home in silence, hands clasped together, as we tried to take it all in. That night coping humor kicked in as we both had the thought "at least there is one less thing to be concerned about...he won't have to deal with losing his hair." Faces to the wall in prayer.
• Friday -another colonoscopy. Not only one tumor, but two in the colon area. Both appeared to be malignant. This was in addition to the dispersed lymphomas throughout the abdomen. Again, as we left, the dr. spoke of prayers and possibilities. Even the nurse who escorted Stew to the car told us we would be in her prayers and blessings. Thankful for medical professionals who pray and tell you they do. Faith builders! A few more tears.
• Monday -phone call from oncologist's office. PET scan needed. Scheduled for Friday.
• Tuesday -call from the gastroentologist stating the need for a lower bowel series to see if cancer has moved into that area as well. Scheduled for Thursday.
• Wednesday -pause day. Thankful to be able to treat the day like a semi- normal Wednesday. We worked on more painting, lights, etc. in the house. Teased Stew that he was driven to get things done. He gave me that half smile of his and said, "I'm driven for you." He is trying to get as many things done in the house as he can...even though he is tired.
• Thursday -phone call. Colonoscopy report/biopsy results had returned. It was what they thought. 
• Thursday -PET scan completed. Stew didn't realize  he dealt with mild claustrophobia until he spent time in the "tunnel." Prayer is such a comfort. He came home so tired.
• Today -lower bowel series. Can take 2-6 hours depending on how it progresses.
• Monday -another meeting with the oncologist. Our mind knows what is taking place, but our hearts hope that we will walk in there and be told it was all a mistake. After all, that is what it feels like...not real...a big mistake.

      We don't know how to respond to what is happening except to throw ourselves back on God each time more news comes in and to choose hope.  Sometimes, all you can do is simply go through life the best you can. The unknown is an anxiety giver, and the known can bring fear. So there are moments through out the day that you fight...and other moments that you rest. 

      There are times when it is life as normal, and times when I look at my husband's tired eyes, less strong body, and increasing thin-ness and want to yell, "No! This is not what life is suppose to be about. He is suppose to be  strong and healthy so he can enjoy this new season of life!"  Truthfully though, this is our life right now. But, our God today is the same God who led us to the decision for me to stop working full time and look for something part time, to move to a smaller home, etc. His provision was already in place. Not because He "made" anything happen, but because He knew what was ahead and was already making a way for us. Not a way to despair, but a journey of hope. He has not been caught off guard. He never is.  (We might need to be reminded of this in the days ahead, so feel free to remind us:-) Some days you are simply stronger than others.

      Does that mean we are double-minded? No. It simply means we love each other, but are trying to remember we love God more. We are continually turning our faces to the wall..sometimes in faith, sometimes in uncertainty. But, we are not going to blindly receive the report of man without taking it all to God. Why? Because we know that just as God did with Hezekiah, God hears our prayers and sees our tears, too. We want that 15 years longer ...or more... report on Monday!

      In fact, when something new arises it has become our family's battle cry and reminder to each other to say, "Face to the wall." In other words, face towards God. It places us in a position of standing together in faith...a position of prayer. 

      In the meantime though, life continues on, and it should.  We are still painting the interior of our "new to us" house, checking items off the house remodel list, and taking rest breaks more often than before. We are still sitting on the living room floor (no furniture), boxes in the garage yet to be unpacked, and nothing on the kitchen counters as we wait for new counter tops. In other words, it looks as though we are still moving. :-)

     We created an I-tunes play list filled with songs of victory, healing, praise, and even a few of our favorite love songs that plays almost continuously throughout the day. ( More, Trust in You, Miracle Maker, Unredeemed, Blessings, and Whose Report Will You Believe are a few of our favorites.) Any suggestions... we will take them! Scriptures are also strategically placed in the house to remind us of God's faithfulness, His love, and to give thanks in all things.

    All the above to say, we would like to ask you to join our family in prayer as we trust God and turn our face to the wall for Stew. If it is something you feel you can do, please click the link to follow the blog and be notified when a new one is posted.  Stew and I discussed what would be the best and easiest way to keep those praying with us informed of what is taking place, and a private blog page seemed to be the answer. It is difficult at times to hear yourself speak words out loud to others that you don't want to hear yourself.  And, writing creates another way to share when you can't articulate verbally. Of course, this doesn't mean you won't be getting phone calls from me as well,

This is the only blog post we will personally email. From now on you will be automatically  notified there is a new one, if you choose to click the "follow" button. We won't be posting links or notifications of new posts on face book. We simply want prayer from those who love him. You can also email me your number, or text me, to let us know you want to be included when we send out quick texts with prayer requests and praises as the journey begins/continues to healing. That is if you want to receive the mini updates. But, more than anything else, please pray.

     Thank you for being our friends.

        Love,

       Stew and Deb
*Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; and the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.* Isaiah 58:8
Thanks, Dee, for sharing this verse to pray over Stew. :-)