Now for the Hard One

Two weeks ago we  met with Katie for the normal labs and check up. During that meeting we requested that our appointments be further apart rather than the normal every two week visit. We also asked to receive any test results over the phone rather than having to wait for a follow up appointment. She agreed to try both.

Our visit that day didn't take long. Labs were the way they had always been lately. Some numbers high, some low. Stew's symptoms weren't much different either. Stomach discomfort and swelling with increasing back and hip pain. We also had hit the three month mark on the newly released medicine he is taking, so a Pet Scan was scheduled to monitor his progress.

When we left our appointment we did what we try to do after each visit and that is celebrate! We made the decision at the beginning of all this, that we were going to celebrate in advance of any test results. We wanted to intentionally rejoice in the gift of our God given life itself.  Not just when we received answers we wanted.

Our idea of a celebration usually involves a short walk, a stop at Petra's, a trip to Half Price Book store, a quick drop by visit with Amy and the kids, or our favorite splurge...a smoothie from Smoothie King. That time it was the smoothie and a short walk.

Last week Stew had his three month pet scan. The process involves prior fasting, an injection, lying flat for an hour and a half with an IV, and then a 15-20 minute scan.

Each time we go we have been blessed to meet someone who shares part of their story.

Last week it was a woman who had a kidney transplant a year ago. Even though she was having a few challenges along the way, it was a successful procedure and an answer to a long time prayer. Her joy was contagious as she shared about her new found life. We were so thankful to have the gift of rejoicing with her!

When Stew's scan was complete we made our trip to Half Price Bookstore and Smoothie King. It is now a standing joke with us that I inhale my smoothie and Stew slowly sips to the last drop. Also, that cancer has even changed his reading habits.

I am a compulsive reader. He has never been one, except for his Bible. Now though, he walks out of that store with a larger stack than I do!! It is fun to see and always causes us to laugh.

While there we met a delightful 75 year old gentleman in the religious clearance section. He taught in a Bible College for 43 years. As he looked for a Scofield  Bible, the only one he has used his entire life, he shared pearls of wisdom with us that had impacted his own life. One statement he made was that "sometimes God brings us through something to bring us to something."

Yesterday afternoon we called to get the Pet Scan test results. Katie called us back last night at 7:20. We had just begun our evening book study with Debby and Clarke when the phone rang. As we answered the phone, we all became quiet in anticipation of what would be said. What she had to share was definitely not what we wanted to hear.

She prepared us by saying it was not what we had all been hoping for. The news was not good. She then shared that the lymphoma has continued to spread/increase significantly quickly.

It is now pretty much everywhere. The scan revealed that it is located around Stew's neck area, lungs, heart, pelvic region, stomach, and even his spine. We listened intently as we tried to fight the tears that were welling up.

Katie tried to encourage us, and maybe herself, by sharing that she would continue to pray. She also reminded us they would not give up and that Dr. B was already looking into what else they might be able to do. The phone call ended with her encouragement and us telling her how very much we appreciated her making the call as we had asked rather than having us wait. We could tell it was not easy for her.

We sat stunned for a minute. The four of us held hands as Clarke prayed. There were hugs, a few tears and then Clarke and Debby quietly left to allow  us time together. We were glad they were here.

As we stood on the front porch waving good by to them, we held each other's hand a bit tighter. Truthfully, I couldn't help but ask the Father silently, "How many more times will we get to do this, God? How many more times will we stand here together holding hands?" He answered with peaceful silence. I knew He was there...and that He had been the unseen listener to our conversation.

As we stood there holding hands, He was holding us both.

When we entered our home we took a deep breath and called our children and sisters. It was not easy.We reached 3 out of 4. Our conversations were about the news, the reminder to each other that we were not giving up hope, and a few tears. Parents are not suppose to bring hurt to their children's lives.

Then, even though the "spiritual" thing might have been to fall on our knees in prayer, that is not what Stew and I did. We each took a deep sigh, quietly left the room where we made the calls, held hands, walked into our bedroom, and crawled into bed silently holding each other. No words. Just quietness and thoughts. Sometimes you just need to be close to the one you love most. And there are times, many times, when you feel your closest to the Father just by being still.

With love, gratitude, and faces to the wall,
Stew and Deb

P.S. We have been together in this long enough for us to be able to share what is on our heart with you. Please, please, don't replace your prayers for us with worry. We really need those of you who are praying to continue doing so.

And, know that this news absolutely stinks! Cancer stinks! In the natural we are losing a lot of ground, but with God all things are still possible.

Yes...
We are a bit shaken, but we are not shaken in our faith.
We didn't receive the news we wanted, but we are not without hope.
We have cried and will still yet, but we are also able to smile.
Our hearts are hurting, but the Father is comforting.
This hit has been hard, but in Him we are not giving up.

Stew and I  have absolutely no reason to complain. God has blessed us, and continues to bless us beyond measure with our family,
those who are in our lives,
those we meet,
good doctors who really care,
with every morning we wake up to enjoy an added day of life together,
and with you!

We knew from the beginning Stew's healing would come from the hands and the heart of the Father, even if he used men to bring it about. So, that is where we are going to stay...in the hands and heart of the Father by the strength of His love and grace. He can handle any hurt or tears we bring to Him. He can handle whatever the enemy flings our way. It is Who He is.

Thankful for added days, the Father's love, and you.
Faces to the Wall.
Stew and Deb