More questions answered and more to follow

Has anyone suggested that you should not do chemo? 

Yes. More than once. No one in our family has. At least, not in a conversation with us.😊  But, a few friends or acquaintances have. Usually though, when Stew is actually in that conversation, he just smiles and says, "I hope you are never in the position of having to make the decision." That to me is called grace.

How do you feel about others recommending no chemo to you?

At first, it surprised us because it was known we had already prayerfully made the decision. It is a difficult place to be when someone makes that recommendation. Especially if it is shared with the idea that God only brings healing through a natural route, chemo only kills, or chemo is not God's plan. Somehow that thought process immediately puts Stew's decision to have chemo in the "you are wrong and not following God" category. 

Stew says so little and is so accepting, but recently he said to me with a wry half smile, "So, Deb, if what I am prayerfully doing doesn't work, then since I have taken chemo it is my fault that God doesn't heal me? I hope not. That is not the God I know." 

Have you received a lot of suggestions as to things to do to be healed, and if so, how do you feel about that?

Yes, we have. For us, suggested helps and information are appreciated for the most part. A lot of it depends on timing, good communication, and the relationship. An active caring relationship is an important and necessary backdrop to informational sharing when you are fighting each day to live. Otherwise the person with cancer can easily feel like a project to be fixed. Actually, that is probably true in anything people face.

We know though that most suggestions or opinions shared are coming from a sincere desire to be helpful, and help solve what seems-to-be-at-the-time a possibly unsolvable disease. They come from a place of caring. 

_____________________________________________________________________

Well, we have a new "normal" in our life right now. It includes 4 Imbruvica capsules each morning, and a pray, wait, and see holding pattern.  There are not as many labs being taken, or tests being run. 

And, we have approximately two weeks between appointments.

It sounds like a good thing, doesn't it? Yet, for some reason it now seems as if we are facing a greater unknown. We don't have a check once or twice each week to see how Stew is doing, or to monitor his process. All we have are the symptoms he is experiencing. It is another step of "we walk by faith, not by sight." And, even though the changes are an adjustment, walking by faith in our Father truly is a more anchored safe place to be. He is faithful and loves Stew more than anyone else can. Remembering His truth helps to keep the fear that tries to attack at bay.

Stew and I have been so wanting to see "autumn" in all its splendor.  It is not something you can do much of where we live, so we made a short 2 hour drive to East Texas with hopes of at least a small glimpse. A glimpse is all we saw, but it certainly was a sweet one to our West Virginia hearts.

A few pictures are included below.

Giving heartfelt thanks for you in our lives, and the many kindnesses of the Father seen in our days.

Stew and Deb

Faces to the Wall

So glad Amy and kids joined us for the first night and day.

Next year maybe we will be able to launch that canoe together into the water. One of many things to look forward to when Stew is healed. Hope alive.

Fall beginning. Seasons changing.

Early morning time with the Father.

Surprise blessing!

This past Saturday we completed the Walk to End Alzheimer's in honor of our mom and many others. It was a bittersweet time filled with many memories, sweet moments, and times of sorrow. 

Team Side by Side


Stew had been determined in the month prior to at least try the walk, so on better days, we would walk the main street of our neighborhood to help increase his endurance, balance, and strength. 
He came on Saturday prepared with his cane, a huge smile, and prayerful determination. He  successfully made it to the first curve in the trail before turning back to the starting point, which was also the finish line. There he sat and waited for us to complete the three mile walk. 
He is amazing!
But that's not the only blessing in the day.

As Stew reminded us in the blog he wrote recently, two of his hopes when diagnosed with cancer last year were to be in remission (healed) and to attend a Steeler's football game. As everyone already knows, neither have happened... yet.

But sometimes in life, what we seems to be a hope not realized, is actually an open door for a different type of blessing.

Enter my sister who loves Stew very much.

Unbeknownst to us, she contacted the Steeler organization through various means, including  a registered letter, and shared some of Stew's story.

Look what happened!!

 Stew now owns one of the Steeler footballs that has all the signatures of the team players to include those of Ben Rothlisberger, James Harrison, Antonio  Brown, and LeVeon Bell!

As you can tell from the pictures, this was a very special emotional moment for him,  and for all of us sitting around the table.

There are no words to express how thankful we are for our sis who prayed, trusted God, thought outside of the box, and went for the seemingly impossible. And, to the Steeler's organization who sent the football.

Stew said this was even better than getting to see a game!

Still trusting the Father...Faces to the Wall.

Continued prayers for you and yours.

Love,

Stew and Deb

Prayer Requests:

*Please continue to pray for health, healing...a miracle!

*At our last appointment we learned that the trial we were hoping to be accepted in is closed. Our hospital has been approved to participate in the trial which is an answer to prayer. But, it looks as though it won't be available till February 2018 or later that year.

This Tuesday they will be doing a lumbar puncture to check the fluid in his spine for possible hidden cancer in that area. It appears medically that the cancer continues to advance. Please pray for a good report. We are so ready to hear something positive and hopeful.

Early Morning Reflection, Prayer, and Praise

Woke up this morning at 2 am, looked at Stew sleeping next to me, and overwhelming gratitude flooded my heart for another day together. I reached over to touch his hand, not wanting to wake him up as good sleep is hard to come by for him right now, and even in his sleep his hand gently squeezed mine in return. I laid there in our bed at peace and thought, "these are more of the moments that hope is made of." Maybe it's a "girl" thing, but there are times when I need to just touch him and remind myself that he really is still here and we are still doing life together! Father, what a gift that is! Thank you!

P.S. Unexpected gift yesterday evening from a sweet and powerful prayer warrior.  Encouragement shared with perfect timing! Isn't the title so fitting?

Thank you, Robbie!

.

Lovingkindness

As I stood in the kitchen making my every-morning- power drink with kale, blueberries, vitamins, and other goodies, my eyes were drawn once again to the chalkboard that rests on the wall above our kitchen counter top.

"It is because of the Lord's loving-kindness that we are NOT consumed, because His tender compassions never fail. 

They are new every morning; Great and beyond measure is Your faithfulness, Lamentations 2:22-23"

When we first placed the chalkboard there we knew Stew wasn't feeling well, but it was before we realized cancer was going to be the enemy we would be fighting. We wrote down the verse He birthed in our heart, and it has been one of our life lines ever since.

 Each day it has not only been an encouragement; it has been a prayer. A prayer of pain mingled with hope in the rough days. (Like this week💕)
 A prayer of gratitude and praise to Him. A prayer for us to have eyes that see/recognize His loving-kindness no matter what.  And, a prayer for many many opportunities to share His loving-kindness with others. This verse, along with others, has reminded us that we have so much to be thankful for in our lives.

This morning though it pierced my heart in a different way. It filled me with gratitude, not only to the Father, but for you. For our family and faithful friends.

It reminded me of Colossians 3:12-"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience..."

Kindness: blessing, gift, gracious work, gratitude, deeds of devotion, unchanging love, loyalty, warm-hearted-ness, a willingness to show goodness from the heart to others, adaptable to the needs of others, gratitude.

What He brought to my remembrance was the truth that we have not only experienced His loving-kindness directly from His heart to ours, or from others we have met this through all this. We have been the recipients of it from you. You have allowed His loving-kindness towards you to bear fruit that has taken seed in us...through your prayers, words, cards, gifts, and presence in our lives.

You are part of His loving-kindness displayed to us.

Know that we do thank our God upon every remembrance of you.

Love,
Stew and Deb

Other reminders of His Loving kindness:



How Could I Ever Say Thank You: A song of gratitude to the Father

https://youtu.be/P3VUcPGLen0

From Stew (Gary)

Just a few words from me(Gary).

 Since the beginning of this journey I have wanted to go see another Steeler's game.  If you remember when we first began the blog, it was one of my things to hope for and a faith declaration that a year later I would still be here.

Well, it's now a year later and at this point we have no plans to go.  The thought of being on an airplane and everything that is involved as far as the amount of time, walking, etc. is more than I can do right now. It doesn't mean I am giving up the dream. It just isn't happening right now.  But, maybe later. It is just the beginning of the season. There are a lot more games to go.

We have been able to watch the games per Game Pass and have enjoyed them so far.(2-0). Go Steelers!

 I want to thank all of you who have joined me on this journey and am so very thankful for all your prayers and concerns for Deb and I.  We are so taken by your dedication, thoughtfulness, and quite frankly, your sticking by me for the long haul.

To this date it has been 14 months, 4 separate chemo regimens, 3 doctors, a ton of nurses/ care givers, and many prayers that have brought me to this point.  Some things that are going on right now to pray about are weakness in my legs, fatigue, abdominal discomfort, and headaches (some quite painful).

Although I have displayed manageable side effects, my body has also displayed resistance to the chemo.  Right now I am taking 4 capsules per day of a targeted therapy which could go on for up to a year or better, if it is working. At this time, we know that the cancer is still advancing. It will be re-evaluated in 2 months.

Medically, the best we can hope for statistically is remission (one in five), slowing down the progress of the lymphoma (one in five), and no effect to the cancer (three in five.) Please pray that this process will go well for me and that the side effects will be minor to none.  These are just the facts, but they are not where we place our hope. That is in God.


 My working days at a job are in the past, for now.  Now I get to do things around the house, take walks, do exercises with Deb (joy), and take naps when I need to.  I can still do most things that don't involve a bunch of standing or walking, as long as I take rests when I can.  I can always find a chair.  Most places I already know where they are. 


John 15:13 says "there is no greater love than one who lays down his life for another."In this journey  you, who are moment by moment laying down a portion of your lives for my sake in prayer that is ever increasing as time continues, are a witness of the Father who loves us all. Your commitment has not waned.

 I am in awe of that commitment, and so blessed and honored by your sacrifice of love.  Your faith-filled prayers, intercession, and willingness to battle even at the midnight hour are part of the reason we are still here a year later.

Thank you and may God richly bless you.

Love,
Gary (Stew)

It is always difficult to write the post that gives an update on how effective chemo has been in attacking the cancer in Stew's body. It is difficult for two reasons:
*We receive the same news each time.
*And, we have to tell each of you the same news each time.

When you share with friends and family who have been faithfully praying for over a year through the ups and downs of four different chemo regimens, it hurts to say "No remission, no healing yet." Why? Because we know how long most of you have been standing with us, we know some might be getting tired of the battle (and understandably so), and we don't want to cause any discouragement or hurt to those we care about.

Yet, here we are again.

According to the test results, and the way Stew's body feels, the cancer continues to grow. Stew is considered to be in that extremely small percentile whose body seems to simply resist chemotherapy and targeted therapy.

This time the two major medical professionals in our team met with us. They were caring, supportive, and gently direct. Even when we sat in the room hearing what they had to say, we felt so much gratitude for the caring concern they both displayed.

So, no more chemotherapy. They have tried all of what there is for the type of mantle cell Stew has.

After prayer and conversation, Stew has begun taking four pills a day of a targeted therapy regimen with the hopes of slowing down the cancer growth. Our doctor has also been contacting different hospitals across the United States to see if they will accept Stew into a clinical trial. There is one called CAR-T that seems to hold the promise of being effective against Mantle Cell. No positive responses yet to their inquiries, but they are not giving up.

As for us, it is a new season. Stew had been trying to work some, but is now no longer able to keep it up. The weariness and headaches are too overwhelming at times.

Our days are spent taking slow walks, reading, sharing, praying, and working on small projects one step at a time. (With a few naps thrown in for Stew) We are determined to live life with prayerful intentionality. Not just to make moments, but with the purpose of capturing moments. 

A captured moment in words: Just last week we were told about an 80 year old gentleman who lives alone in our neighborhood and has cancer. His days are now limited to a wheelchair with his dogs as companions. Stew and I walked down to meet him and ended up visiting with him for almost two hours. He has lived such an interesting life, and due to some of the challenges he has faced, he does not believe there is a God, heaven, or hell.  Our hearts were broken for him. While there we discovered that he loves to play cribbage or backgammon, but has no one to play with.
 He does now. :-)

Captured moments in pictures:

My masked wood worker, time with Noah, teaching Shi about coin collecting, early mornings on the patio, and getting ready for cribbage with Clarke.

Slow walks part way around the lake. 

Teaching Noah guitar.

With hearts of gratitude for you and to the Father,
Love and Prayers,
Stew and Deb

"This is how I fight my battles"
Be sure to listen to the words:-) You will want to break out in dancing and praise! We do!

https://youtu.be/NoAqymNcBTk

This main body of this blog post was written by Clarke.

When Clarke learned of the cancer in Stew's body, he proceeded to give Stew the promise of a friend who would be "present." Through texts, weekly Wednesday night cribbage games, hospital visits, words of encouragement, and prayer he has lived exactly what he said.  He and Stew have laughed together, shed tears together, and continue to hope together.

His choice to be "present" has not come without sacrifice. He loves God, is a husband, father of two teen age sons who are active in sports, travels for his job, and puts in at least 12 hour work days. Yet, except for when he is out of town, or Stew has been sick, he has not missed a single Wednesday night visit since this all began.

When we read his email with the blog post entry attached we were touched and humbled by the way he shared about himself, portrayed the truth that cancer has not been and is not Stew's only story, and that he included what God spoke to his heart recently. ( We also felt very unworthy of all the kind things he shared, yet grateful at the same time for the encouragement.💗)

Clarke is not simply "like" family to us. In our hearts he is family.

Thanking God for each of you and your faithfulness to pray.

Faces to the Wall,
Stew and Deb

I have never been a poet and no one has ever accused me of being a story teller so the thought of me writing a post for a blog is another sign that God has a sense of humor.   But I am sitting in front of a computer trying to organize my thoughts of the last year, last ten years and maybe longer.  

I have had a personal relationship with God since I was in high school.  I can thank my youth pastor Wayne Hardy, and my parents for showing me the way to the most important decision that I have ever made. That decision was made with great enthusiasm and thirst for knowledge. But that thirst has a tendency to ebb and flow as you make the journey through life.  The Holy Spirit has a knack for helping that journey bring you closer to God if we listen.  BUT…

In the spring of 2006 I would never have dreamed that God was about to introduce me to someone who would help me, my wife and my family on our journey to become more Christ-like.  As a matter of fact, she was about to meet a father that was going to give her a piece of his mind and nothing was going to change that.

My twins would be best served to repeat KINDERGARTEN, she said. The teacher who was recommending this (Ms. Deb) was just a little off her rocker I thought, and I intended to let her know. Ms. Deb had prayed and asked God for wisdom.  I came to the conference with anger and attitude. 

 I quickly came to the realization that Ms. Deb was right and that if my kids' kindergarten teacher was praying for my kids' best interest every day maybe I should be too.  

We remained friends and tried as best we could to help support the Stewarts as they walked through the Journey of Alzheimer’s with Miss Deb’s mom, Phyllis.  The one thing that I was constantly amazed at was the joy and love that Deb and Gary always had toward each other.  They had a marriage that was blessed by God.  In this time when many husbands and wives could have acted in a selfish manner the Stewarts showed a love and compassion that I could only describe as young love that never changed.  They were a shining example of God’s plan for marriage.

A year later my wife asked Ms. Deb and Mr. Gary to help us with our marriage.  Our marriage had grown tired, not bad not good.  Over the course of the next six months, they counseled my wife and I, prayed for us and loved us unconditionally.  God had once again put the right person, Mr. Gary, into my life and I allowed God to change my heart through guidance from Gary.  Our relationship had changed from a friendship to a mentor relationship that taught me the value of prayer, fellowship and accountability.

Mr. Gary and my relationship has continued to grow the last couple of years and then last year the news of cancer came.  
Numb- are you kidding me? No this is not the way things work.  This does not make sense for a God who loves his good and faithful servants.  This must just be a test.  This sucks.  

But once again Gary is teaching me.  He is teaching that me that we must have joy and trust that God is in control.   
Okay, so God will send the cure.  

Mr. Gary is teaching me that “We need to pray our hearts desires and God will hear us”.            Okay, so God, I will pray without ceasing and You will send a cure.  

Mr. Gary is teaching me that I need a warrior spirit. Okay I will fast and pray for the warrior spirit.  I will not give up because Mr. Gary has taught me that God is listening.  

And, in this time when I am sure that He is listening, He sends me a message:
Gods timing is always perfect.
It is never early, it is never late.
It is not always the answer that you are seeking but it is perfect.

My life and my family’s life have been changed forever because of the servant attitude demonstrated faithfully by Mr. Gary and Ms. Deb.  I continue to pray daily for my heart’s desire and I only know how to do that because of my teacher, Mr. Gary, that God has put into my life.

Clarke Scott

Sometimes Unscripted Moments are God Moments

Anniversary Gift Created By Our Daughter

Monday, July 31, was our 46th anniversary and the day Stew was to come home from a five day hospital stay. It was going to be a double celebration day. That is not what happened.

Early that morning Stew woke up not feeling well, hurting, and his levels not where they needed to be. The extra steroids and fluids were having their effect also as he looked a little like a smaller version of a sumo wrestler with the swelling in his face and stomach. Because the toxicity of one of the chemos had to be totally flushed out of his system before going home and wasn't, we were told Stew would have the privilege of being a guest of the hospital at least one more night.

One celebration temporarily delayed.

But, not the other.

That evening we decorated the room with balloons, his hospital tray with a tablecloth, and enjoyed one of his favorite foods; calamari from the Pho restaurant.

The nurses on his floor knew it was our anniversary because he used it to try and convince the doctor to let him go home. 😉 We received best wishes from them and questions about how we met. Each person that came into his room made us feel as though they were truly celebrating with us.

Yet, the best gift was yet to come.

When the shifts changed, our night nurse told us she heard it was our anniversary and asked what we liked to do to celebrate. We shared with her that we enjoyed dancing together in our living room or on our back patio under the stars. We told her we had tried with "IV" but she didn't cooperate very well. Our nurse smiled and said, " I think we can give you that dance."

So, when it was time to change the empty IV bag for a new one, she disconnected Stew from the pump, told us she would wait five minutes to connect the new one, and left the room so we could dance.

Which is exactly what we did.

For a few precious moments it was just Stew and I. No cancer. No hospital room. No decisions to be made. No tomorrow. Just time standing still as we held each other close...our feet slowly moving to the music that had been "our songs" for years. He even softly sang to me as we danced. It was a moment tinged with sadness, yet filled with so much joy.

It was a God gift given to us through the kindness of a caring nurse.

It was our best anniversary yet.

So thankful.

Stew and Deb

P.S. Thank you for the texts and anniversary cards we received. You made our hearts smile

Calamari with a graham cracker and peanut butter dessert

Maybe we need a class on how to take good selfies

"IV" is a Steelers' fan

Blessed

           

  

What Do You Do When You Get News You Don't Want?

You...

Cry: Oh, how I, Deb, do everything I can not to cry when we are with the doctor! This time was a miserable fail. :-(

Sit very still: That's Stew. :-)

Comfort and express gratitude for the doctor: He is trying everything he can on our behalf.

Call your family: This is added hurt because of how very much you love them.You know they are praying and believing, and it is painful to share something with those you love that on the surface appears to be in opposition to what is hoped for. Especially when you can't accompany it with a hug and share in person.

Work in the yard: (Do life as normal)

Cry some more: Actually tears kind of splatter themselves throughout the day unbidden. And not just out of sadness, but of gratitude and hope, too. They just get all mingled together. Kind of like life.

Put aside: electronics, face book, television for a few hours, and accept your son's offer to share the news with all who care.

Hug and touch a lot.

Pray: A bunch of words jumbled with emotion, half completed sentences, and no fully developed thoughts, yet fully developed in  numbness and hope. Words that are driven by a deep need and yearning for the One God more than the one answer.

Fill the house with songs: Worship songs mixed with love songs.

Give thanks: We have so many people and things to be thankful for!

Pray again: For our family and those who are staying so close to us.

Talk: about the dream trip Stew would like to take. (Right now it is a toss up between seeing the Steelers play this season, going to Yellowstone National Park, Scotland, Colorado, and of course, seeing all our friends and family.)

Sleep

Wake up: Reminding yourself of God's new mercies for the day, and His word in your heart declaring, "Do not be dismayed or discouraged because of this vast army, For the battle is not yours, but God's."2 Chronicles 20:15

Yesterday, as Ben shared, we did not receive the news hoped for. Stew is not in remission. And, for the first time an estimated time of life was shared. That one hit hard.

Today Stew is going in the hospital for his longest stay yet, five days. He will receive a hyper round of a different chemo with some being given in his spine. The cancer in the bone marrow has progressed as well. The thought is that to do this might help prevent the cancer from spreading to his brain, or slow it down.

So, the boys (boxers) are with our friend Barry. Charlee is going to the kennel, and bags are packed by the door. Now we wait on the phone call telling us a room is ready.

Thank you for the prayers and fasting.
Thank you for the gift you are to us.

Love,
Stew and Deb

You Make Me Sing on the Battlefield.

https://youtu.be/IyVP1ImEj9s

Dad's Appointment Today

Hey,

We didn't get the news we were believing for today. BUT- Still believing, still seeking what to do from here.Thank you for the prayers, and more prayers are appreciated.

Ben

More than you'll ever know. Thank you!

You have been such an intricate part of our lives this past year. You have truly given us a life changing example of what it means to be the body of Christ in words and deeds.

Each of you have your own lives to live, your own battles to fight, yet the faithfulness and love you have displayed in actively standing side by side with us as Stew battles cancer has revealed the Father in you to us. Because of you we have seen His kindness, His goodness, His love, His faithfulness, and we have not walked alone.

We can not think about you without gratitude and prayers flooding our hearts. 

You have taken on a burden that wasn't your own and haven't set it aside or given up.

There are not enough words to express what is in our hearts.

Thank you!

Love, 

Stew and Deb

A Look Back. A Look Forward:

We walk by faith, not by sight.

 2 Corinthians 5:7

It dawned on us today that on the 28th of July, 2016, we met with the oncologist for the first time and life changed as we knew it. That is when it was confirmed Stew had an advanced stage of cancer called mantle cell lymphoma.

And, this coming Wednesday, 28 July, 2017, exactly a year later, we meet with Dr. B. to be told if the tests show Stew is in remission. This is our third time facing a meeting like this, and as you know, the past two times did not bring the news we were waiting to hear. We are so hoping and believing this time will be different.

That said, we have decided we definitely have reasons to celebrate this Tuesday evening, before we see the doctor on Wednesday, with a date night.  Here we are, a year later, and cancer has not won. Stew is still here, we are still making memories, and  still living life together. What a gift we have been given!

In fact, we are going to have two date nights within this next week, The 31st of July we celebrate our 46th wedding anniversary. Last year our anniversary was overshadowed with the possibility that it could be our last...not true.

It's going to be a blessed week.

Thank you for your continued prayers!

Face To The Wall,
Love and prayers,
Stew and Deb

Random practical info about cancer and chemo in Stew's life that you might not know...and more.

Chemo:
-Hand sanitizer becomes your very needed best friend.
-Protective face masks smell.
-At different times face masks are part of your wardrobe.
-Hair doesn't only disappear from your head, but from your chest, back, legs, and even armpits.
-Chemo brain (fog) is real.
-A rubber bracelet identifying you as a chemo-with-port patient is worn at all times.
-Taste buds continually change. One day something tastes good, the next day it doesn't.
-Bathroom sinks become mini medicine cabinets.
-You are a human pin cushion. (This was the first one Stew thought of)
-Bathroom restrictions are in place for 48 hours after chemo:
   Toilet lid down before flushing.
   Family members don't use the same toilet.
   Clean after each use.
-Baskets of saltines are part of the hospital decor.
-Treatments are identified by letters:
  RCHOP
  CVAD
  etc.
-A good thermometer by the bedside is necessary.
-No manual razors, only electric. Why? When platelets are low you can't risk cutting yourself and  bleeding. It could be a guaranteed trip to the hospital.
-Water, water, water...at least 8 bottles a day.
-You can feel okay in the morning and be almost unable to function in the afternoon.
- Average number of trips to the the doctor/hospital/infusion center are 1-2 times a week.
-Neuropathy becomes a factor in your day. Especially in the way your legs work.


Cancer:
-You can look good on the outside and  still be dying on the inside.
-Bone biopsies hurt.
-It's not a respecter of race, culture, sex, or age. Just last week during our 15 minutes in the waiting  room we waited with a child, teenager, mom, dad, grandparent, male, female, African Americans,  Asians, Caucasians, etc.
-The word "Cancer" is not a one size fits all. There are over 100 major groups of cancer. And, each of  those can be broken down to different types within the group.
   Example:                      Blood Cancers
                                     Three main groups
                        Leukemia, Lymphoma, and Myeloma
                                   Types of Lymphoma
                    NHL (Non Hodgkins)        HL (Hodgkins)
                              61 types                         4 types
                      (mantle cell is NHL)
-What helps one type of cancer might not help another when taking chemo. Example: When some  heard Stew had cancer, caring recommendations were made that Stew drink green tea and use frankincense. I drink at least one cup of green tea a day because it  is good for you. Yet, for Stew it would have been potentially harmful. With one of the chemos he has taken, green tea has been proven to inhibit the effectiveness of the treatments. And, the same was true of frankincense.
-Some cancer symptoms are the same as chemo symptoms so you don't always know which one is    affecting you.
-Weight matters.
-Toast is the one staple that almost always tastes good.
-You pray to live, but prepare to die. Medical power of attorney, living will directive, update of wills, financial power of attorney, etc. are all necessary forms/paperwork to be completed.

Updates:
-As many know, two weeks ago Stew had a very difficult week as he had developed a viral infection.  Praise God, he is much better now. Things like that make us appreciate even more the good, good  days we have. Thank you to all who prayed, shared scriptures, songs, sweet gifts, and words of encouragement.
-Last week we spent the day at the hospital going through all the tests for re-staging. We were also  given a tentative plan for the days ahead, but we have many questions yet to be answered before  final decisions are made.

Thank you for your continued prayers.
Love,
Stew and Deb

A few pictures from the past couple of weeks.

Family Time in Tennessee

Family Time in Tennessee

Good afternoon!

The DVD from our trip to Tennessee is attached to this post. Just click on the printed words above if you want to view it.

We had such a blessed and needed time with all of our family in one place at one time.

Some joy moments:

Stew stayed healthy and did so well!

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. Never underestimate the power of a hug. Hugs communicate the hope, encouragement, comfort, joy and love that our words inadequately express. Our little Bethania didn't talk quite as much as everyone else, but the abundant hugs she shared melted our hearts and brought many many smiles...as did those of everyone else.

Driving up their drive way each morning to see sweet faces on the porch waiting to greet us, and leaving at night to those same sweet faces waving goodbye.

Line dancing and doing country swing with our grandchildren in the living room . So much laughter, fun, and stepping on each others' feet.

Family meals at a huge table in Ben and Nili's lovely home. A dream realized. Even before Stew and I had children I would dream about about one day having  family get- togethers around a huge table filled with lots of happy faces, animated conversations, and prayer. Dreams come true!

Steeler corn hole games.

Horseback riding.

Swimming and Marco Polo.

Spud. A game that was taught to us by my mom and has been played by every generation since.

Reading books together, coloring, playing games, and quiet conversations.

Sitting on the front porch. Big front porch!

Gifts of notes and artwork given for us to take home.

Family Worship.

Visiting Ben and Nili's new church home and meeting some of those on staff. It meant so much to see that in this new place God has them, there are already people who care for their family.

Stew and Ben recreating a skit they had performed many years ago when we were youth pastors and Ben was a youth. Oh my gosh!! They were so funny.

The sweet friend who went the extra mile (s) and drove to our house each day from Allen to take care of plants and make sure all was well in our home.

Coming home to find food in our refrigerator and fruit on our counter.

And, the totally amazing miraculous gift given to us of a private plane with pilot to fly us to Tennessee and back home. We were overwhelmed and shocked by the generosity and kindness of those who made it happen. There are no words to express our gratitude to them. We had absolutely no clue something like that would happen to us. It made the trip so easy and comfortable for Stew. I think we are still stunned. What a lesson it was and is of how our God does so much more than we can even think or comprehend!

Thank you for praying with us that we would get to make this trip. We appreciate the way you stay with us in the battles and in the joys. Still praying that you reap in abundance all the seeds you sow into our lives and the lives of others for the kingdom.

With much love,
Stew and Deb

Update and More

Stew and I have this photograph hanging on the bulletin board in our home as a visual reminder of what we are hoping and praying is our future. Just like Hezekiah with his "face to the wall"  we are believing this will be us on July 31, 2031.

Update: Stew has his second, and possibly final chemo in this new round of treatments on June 29th and 30th. Two to three weeks after chemo they will do tests again to check for remission. We have doctors that are doing the best they know, yet at this time, as of this week, the growing lymphomas in Stew's abdomen that can be seen and felt are still there.  He was told "let's just wait and see what happens" after this next treatment. We don't like the facts before us and each time we have to see them, it hurts. Yet we have known since the beginning Whose hand his healing ultimately rests in, and we find a place of comfort and confidence in that truth.  

Let's Eat: So, of course we did what anyone would do. After that appointment, we splurged and enjoyed a take out meal of calamari from our favorite Pho Restaurant along with Sugar free cookies from Kroger and a watermelon from Sprouts!😋

Tender Times: Noah has now gone to the infusion center with Stew twice so far for the chemo lab work and an injection.  This has meant much to Stew. And, it speaks a lot to Noah's love for his grandfather, otherwise known as Paw Caw.

Dancing: Did you know you can dance. laugh, and cry at the same time? 

You can and we do.

The dance instructor who gave us our first dance lessons over 18 months ago, before all this began, blessed us with a free lesson on Saturday even though the original plan was for us to pay. It did not take her long to recognize that something was wrong as we were not able to complete that lesson, and rest breaks were taken. But, we had so much fun! As we were leaving, she told us there will be a chair waiting for Stew if we want to come to any of the Tuesday evening group classes...for free! 

We plan on going.

Truth: A quote from Bill Johnson that resonates in our hearts. 

"As believers, we can be honest about our challenging situations, but we can thank God in advance for His solutions. Take a hold of His promises and lead with gratitude!" 

Thanking God for you daily and fervently.

Face to the Wall,

Love,

Stew and Deb

Timely encouragement shared by a friend.

Stew's Surprise Birthday
Click this link to view.

Woohoo! Are you ready? The birthday video is complete. We hope when you view it, it was worth the wait. Stew and I  have already watched it three times through the editing process this morning, and became teary-eyed with each viewing as the flood of emotions came back of the way we felt on that special day.

It was special because of each of you. Thank you!

Here's a brief glimpse into the days prior to the big event.

On Wednesday, the actual day of his birthday, he felt so unwell that we didn't go out to eat as a family, and he cancelled his weekly cribbage date with Clarke.  Amy, Shi, and Noah did come to the house to give Stew his gift, but about fifteen minutes into the visit he was asleep.

Thursday he was unable to go to work.

Friday he returned to work, but had to come home at noon. So, I shared with him about the party planned for that evening, and asked what he wanted to do. He so wanted to go ahead with it, and we did.

That afternoon Stew soundly slept while we decorated  the patio with Steeler party items, and as each guest arrived.

When I woke him up and he saw everything/everyone, he was so touched and still surprised.  Even though he knew about the party, he didn't know who was attending, and he knew nothing about the over 55 cards/gifts he had received from friends and family all across the United States.

Reflecting on that week, God's hand of love at work in the hearts of so many who gave of time, words, and thoughtfulness can be clearly seen. A very challenging week could have ended in a totally different way...

But for God and you!

Thank you for being a part of ushering in victory and, as Stew said, "Making it one of the most special days of his life."

With love and gratitude.

Face to the Wall,

Stew and Deb
P.S. We hope those that sent birthday cards, messages, gifts, and those who were able to be here received their thank you cards. There were a couple of addresses we were unsure of. If you didn't receive one, please let us know. It was so important to Stew to let each of you know how much your kindness met to him.

Here we sit waiting for the labs to confirm that chemo is a go. Today's infusion will take 6-7 hours.  It is our first time in this infusion center and everyone seems so thoughtful and kind. The area is set up with individual cubicles, so our opportunity to interact with others will be limited, but not totally impossible.

It is interesting how words can bring comfort and sadness at the same time. As we were getting settled in the medical assistant said, "Welcome to your second family." It really does become that way each time a treatment is given. We are thankful for the people we have met, and the stories that have been shared. Yet, like everyone else here, we are hoping for the words "You are healed!" to be shouted from the roof tops.

Week before last we had two first hand glimpses of that victory shout. The first was at the Proton Therapy Center where Stew was having a special test done. As we entered the check in/waiting area, we noticed a large circular gold gong on a stand by the stairway. As the morning progressed we learned what it represented. It was beautiful.

About mid morning a nurse came down the hallway with an older gentleman and asked for every one's attention. She announced that his treatments were successfully completed, read a poem, and handed him a big gold mallet. He turned around with a huge smile and hit it as hard as he could. Everyone began to clap and cheer. Tears filled his eyes as he walked down the line of nurses, receptionists, and others that were there to shake his hand or give him hugs. As I glanced around the waiting area I could see similar tears and smiles of joy gracing the faces of those watching.

The other was in the waiting room at Dr. B.'s. While Stew was having labs drawn, a gentleman sat down next to me and began to share his story. He had been diagnosed with cancer of a different type than Stew, undergone chemo, hit remission, and received a stem cell transplant. He now had an appointment to see if all was going well. When his name was called, he stood, gave me a thumbs up, and entered through the door that would lead him back to where he believed good news awaited.

A while later, the door to the examine rooms opened. Out he came, looked around the waiting area, saw us still sitting there, and almost floated over to where we were with a huge grin on his face. It had worked and he was being released back to his own doctor. His happiness was almost tangible. He thanked us for our prayers and said he hoped the same for us.

These are the things hope are built on. God is the foundation, but moments like these help to keep it alive.

So thankful for what the Father did in both of these men's lives.  So thankful that the Father gave us these miraculous healing glimpses in the midst of our circumstances. What a gift it was to be able to celebrate together!

Reminders that joy isn't only found in your own answer received, but that it is found in each moment of victory, no matter whose the victory is, are precious. Joy is found in celebrating gifts of life. It is found in the heart of the Father. It is found in honoring what gives Him joy.

And, when eyes are open to see it, to see Him and be thankful...we are made stronger. For it is "the joy of the Lord that is our strength." Praying for eyes that continue to see His joy before us.

Thankful for:

Early morning rain.

The ding of incoming texts last night and this morning from those who remembered this was Stew's first day of the new chemo. We read each one and rejoiced at the prayers, love, and thoughts given. We were like little children opening a gift.

Crackers and juice provided by the clinic. They have already been used.

Pillows and blankets...infusion centers are cold!

Katie's (Dr. B's PA) just now visit: Antibiotics, medicines, precautions, etc, will be ready for us on Monday for our trip to see Ben and family next week. Loved her happiness for us.

Family!

You!

Our Father...

With hearts full of love and gratitude,
Faces-to-the-Wall,
Stew and Deb

Waiting with a smile.


Our home away from home.


Benadryl taking effect. :-)

"I AM the One Who calms the storms...

Last Monday we met with Dr. B. , our stem cell transplant doctor, to hear what he had to say about the mantle cell in Stew's body, and any recommendations he might have.

Truthfully, as we parked our car and slowly navigated our way through the halls of Medical City to Dr. B.'s office, our walk consisted of clasped hands, moments of silence, "I love you's", and attempts at everyday conversation. We were walking with two other companions... fragile hope and unspoken silent prayers. You see, even though we had not shared it with others, we knew God had spoken to our hearts on April 4, 2017, the words "Rough days are yet to come...but believe this when I say I am the One Who calms the storms." 

"Rough days yet to come":
During our meeting the doctor shared the specifics of the test results:
The cancer is growing.
The lymphomas have doubled in size from what they were 2 months ago.
There are more.
Their density has increased by 50%.
They could begin involving organs.

He shared that medically we really only have one option that will give Stew more than a 1 out of 5 life opportunity. It is a targeted therapy that carries with it a different type of risk. This chemo regimen, depending on the amount given and how Stew's body responds, can possibly bring remission or, because of what it does to the blood cells in his body, it can make a stem cell transplant no longer viable.

So, a new two day chemo begins this Thursday. Two rounds will be done, and then more testing for remission.

"The One Who calms the storms":

After being offered this treatment possibility we learned our insurance did not cover it. Stew then met with the Benefits Counselor and an "urgent" exception was filed. As unbelievable as it may sound, it was approved the same day!! Talk about God miracles...:-)

Thankful for reminders all the time that our hope, our answers are not found in the hands of man, though God can use them. But, ultimately they are found in the heart of God!

We discussed our desire to see our Tennessee family at the meeting and we were told to "go ahead." Such happiness in our grandparent hearts. Dr. B. did add the recommendation that we be gone no longer than three days, but we can handle that. Three days are a gift!! Any amount of time is a gift!

With love and appreciation for the Father, our family, and you,
Face-to-the Wall,
Stew and Deb


The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save, he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love, he exults over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17

Runaway Day

Sometimes you just need a day to runaway. That is what Stew and I needed this weekend.

Last week was filled with  appointments; an instructional class on stem cell transplants, tests, evaluations, labs, a bone marrow biopsy, and meetings with our stem cell coordinator, financial person, and social worker. A tentative schedule was laid out for us, to even include a week to visit family.

Even though the final results weren't in, the thought process by the professionals seemed to be that the chemo should work and we would move into the mobilization stage.

Friday morning the phone rang. Stew's test results were already in. Katie said she was sorry to have to tell us the test results over the phone, but she knew we were preparing to leave for the hospital soon for another round of chemo and she wanted to let us know chemo had been canceled. She compassionately shared that the mantle cell lymphoma in Stew's body was continuing to progress, lymph nodes were still growing, and his bone marrow tested positive for the cancer. So, no chemo treatment. No remission.

Our initial reaction was one of being totally stunned. We held each other with no words. Not because we didn't know it could happen, but because it actually had. So, after telling our family the news,we decided to "run away" to life.  Our friend, Barry, kept the boys (Boxers), Amy took Charlee (our rat terrier), and we left. How thankful we are for their willingness to step in at a needed time for what was truly a last minute decision!

This "run away" weekend was so needed.

It was a sweet moment of time to step away from cancer and simply be.
It was an enjoyed mini escape from doctors and negative news.
It was a quiet continued celebration of  life.
It was a time of gentle strengthening with the Father even though there was very little prayer.

Tomorrow we have an appointment with Dr. B. He is reviewing  Stew's records again and will give us his opinion as to if there is anything else medically to be done.

We will be walking into his office fully aware that in our first meeting with him it was shared this chemo was our best hope medically. We are also walking in there knowing that even though God has blessed us with  Dr. B. as our doctor, He has even more so blessed us with Himself and His Presence.

The battle has gone on for a long time, and so many of you have stayed with us in unwavering prayer and support since the very beginning. Thank you so much. Because of you we are strengthened and encouraged.

Please add to your prayers healing for Stew's legs. There are times when they simply don't work the way they should and he now needs to use a cane to walk. His words, "they become floppy."

Love,
Stew and Deb
Click on the link below if you would like to see a short video of our weekend.

Runaway Day

Home again!

We're home... and it feels so good!

This morning we were able to see "C", one of the nurses who took care of Stew when he was in the hospital three weeks ago. She is an absolute bundle of joy with a smile that lights up a room. It made our day when she saw us, came rushing over to say hello, and gave us both a big hug! The people who work on the cancer floors are gifted with such grace. None of them come into our room without a big, truly caring smile. What a difference they make!

It is back to Medical City Dallas on Tuesday for labs and the power packed injection. Pet Scan will be scheduled before the next/final round of chemo.  We are praying, believing, and expecting an "all clean" report. Thank you for agreeing with us.

Stew and I were sharing before he went to sleep and the thought struck us,..
     here it is almost 10 months later and...
          he is still here...
                we still have the gift of doing life together...
                         we are so blessed!

Thank you for your prayers as "We"...you, Stew, and I...walk by faith, not sight...together!(More about that later from Stew.)

With gratitude and love,
Stew and Deb
Face to the Wall!

Unexpected much appreciated visit from friends this morning. Can you believe that I taught those two special young men in kindergarten?

My love

Hand sanitizer: a very needed and required addition to our daily lives. :-)

                                                                                

There is even a "fish" on the floor of our  hospital walking path to remind us of the One Who is always with us.

 

Round 2, Day 2

Good morning,

Day 2, Saturday, went amazingly well! Thank you for praying.

Stew is handling the chemo infusion even better than last time and has had no in-hospital reactions to any of the treatment. The benadryl and steroids added to the protocol seems to help with the body's initial response while the chemo is being administered. In fact, yesterday he walked 52 laps around the nurses station for a total of 2 miles. Not all at one time of course, and some laps slower than others, but he did it. He set a goal and made it.

The nurses would just smile each time they heard the rattle of his IV pole come around the corner. Family members visiting other patients commented on his "racing"around the hallway, and many kind words were shared.  Stew's perseverance in doing this opened the door for brief conversations and the opportunity for the offer of prayers.  No one turned them down. One family even told us the full name of the person they were visiting, the cancer they are fighting, and how they are responding.
A powerful reminder of how everyone has a story that needs to be shared, and one that is more than worth being heard.

A thoughtful friend of ours, Clarke, who has walked closely with Stew in this journey visited Friday evening and again yesterday afternoon. They now have weekly ongoing cribbage tournaments. It's a game Stew really enjoys, and Clarke has begun winning!  He makes Stew smile, his presence and stories brighten up the day, and their prayers together build strength and hope.

With gratitude, love, and prayers for you and yours,
Stew and Deb
Face to the Wall

Round 2, Day 1 Thoughts

You are on my side
You go before me
You stand behind...

Nothing on this earth can ever separate me from your love...

"On My Side" Kim Walker


Today's (Friday's) admittance to the hospital found us on a different cancer floor with different nurses. We just assumed we would be in the same area as last time. After all, we had become familiar with it. I knew where the showers, towels, extra blankets, pillows, exercise bikes, and patient/family free snack center was located.

Stew had developed a camaraderie with those caring for him, and we had walked many times around the nurses station sharing laughs and conversations while we were there three weeks ago. 26 times equals 1 mile by the way. And, even though it had only been a three day stay, we felt we were returning to a comfortable place. At least, as comfortable of a place as it can be when you are having chemo.

But, God had gone before us once again, and was about to take us to another place where we would see His kindness and know His loving care.

So, we should not have been surprised when in the course of a conversation his nurse mentioned she had worked in the stem cell transplant center for 19 years before changing to what she was now doing on the infusion floors, but we were.  As Stew and I asked a few generic questions about stem cell treatments and care in general, we learned some of what may be ahead for us.  We saw just a glimpse of the challenges, life style changes, and the extraordinary length of time the process truly takes as the body fights its way back to health and wholeness. It was definitely a reality check.

Yet, God knew we needed to hear from just one person who had experienced or knew something about what we were praying wisdom for, and He opened that door.  He had us walk past one place of comfortableness to another place of faith and rest in Him.

By that one conversation He increased our hope and revealed to us once again His kindness and pro-activeness on the behalf of His children. He truly is "on our side", and when we "let him" He reveals it to us over and over again.

Oh, and a side benefit, Stew got to wear a pink and white mask. 😉 You can't tell it, but he really is smiling. As our daughter said,  "Only real men wear pink."


But, I still think blue is his best color!



More tomorrow...

With love, prayers, and gratitude,
Stew and Deb

Faces to the Wall

Weepy Days

                                                                                               

I use to think  my tears had to be hidden, denied, or choked back.

I use to think my tears were a sign of weakness, lack of control, or emotionalism.

I use to think my tears were a cause of embarrassment, shame, and failure.

I use to think this only about my tears, not anyone else's.

Stew use to think some, not all, of the same.

Years ago, when we read Psalm 56: 8, we slowly began to realize our tears were important to God. He valued them.

And, He knew there would be "weepy" days.

Today was one.

Today:

 We received a text from a friend we have come to know through chemo days. After 5 different chemo protocols, her chemo treatments are done. Not because she is in remission, but because she isn't. She is only 36 years old.

We learned that someone who has been a part of our lives for 10 years has stage 4 cancer.

We were informed that a friend of ours has been diagnosed with dementia.

We realized Stew has now lost 45 to 50 pounds, depending on the time of day.

We read the following words in the "doctor's report ": I had a lengthy discussion with the patient regarding the overall prognosis...He has residual disease in his abdomen and the suspicion that his cecal disease is worsening. The patient has extensive bone marrow disease... In general, patients with mantle cell have poor long-term disease control.

Weepy days are not just birthed out of sadness, but gladness, too.

Today:

Our day began with this early morning text from a new friend:

And, I will give you treasures hidden in darkness-secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the One Who calls you by name. Isaiah 45

The day lilies in the backyard bloomed in a beautiful display of yellow and purple hues.

We received a text from our son.

We enjoyed dinner with Amy, Chad, Noah, and Shiloh.

Noah and I sat on the bench and simply visited.

Shi and I danced and sang in the park.

Stew pushed me on a swing, and we laughed like children.

We took a slow stroll around the lake with family.

And, this evening we read the following in a text from another person God has gifted into our lives:

Yes, it was a weepy day, but God already had us covered from beginning to end by His Word shared through others. Nothing catches Him off guard!

Update:
*The past week and a half has been a bit rougher for Stew. His platelets hit a new low and an infusion/transfusion had to be given last week in an attempt to build them back up.
*On Friday, April 28th, he will be admitted to the hospital for three days as he receives the next round of chemo.
*Then, in the following week or so, another pet scan will be given to see if his body has achieved remission.

With each new challenge that comes his way, Stew truly radiates more and more peace and gentleness in his countenance. It is as if he glows. This man of God, my husband, is my hero.

Thank you for your continued prayers. You are a joy to us both and we love you.

Faces to the Wall as we trust in our Father,
Stew and Deb

Family

Family!