It is So Good to Be Home...

There is something about arriving home after a few days away that makes everything in us take a sweet breath of contentment. No matter how kind everyone is at the hospital, the saying "there is no place like home" is so true! Just pulling in our driveway brought a sense of peace and rest. What a gift!

The first things we did were unload everything at the front door, make our juice protein drink, feed the pups, and sit! We are learning that some things can just wait and others can't. In fact, the bags are still lined up by the front door this morning. For those of you who know me well, that speaks volumes to my learning to rest in the Lord. :-)

On Tuesday we return to Dr. B.'s where Stew will receive an injection. The hope is this injection will keep his WBC where it should be until the next chemo. The side effect of the injection can be a lot of bone pain. He is also on two antibiotics for the next 30 days. The goal is to help him stay healthy as they try to achieve remission for his body so a stem cell transplant can take place.

From this point on Stew is not to go out in public, but if he has to, then he is to wear a mask. He is to do his best to avoid anyone who is ill, or even feels they might be. Looks like he is back to being the "Masked" cancer fighter!

We were also told that the side effects of chemo will kick in approximately a week after each treatment...and they can be intense. We are praying that Stew is the exception and would so appreciate if you would agree in prayer with us.

This morning is a new day filled with new mercies that follow all of all His children all the days of their lives. We are thankful and hopeful!

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life. And I will dwell in the house of the  Lord forever.
Psalm 23:6

Keeping you close in heart and prayer,
Stew and Deb
Face to the Wall

P.S. A friend shared the following song with us.

https://youtu.be/NLk9U3W6f9U


After listening to it, Stew's comment was: "what grabs me is the phrase "He's bigger than the universe." It led me to the thought that when I remember He is "bigger than" then I realize He is truly "greater than."

 Love the way my husband's mind works!

Taken from Stew's journal notes this morning:

Anticipation, expectation, scriptural, in hope, spirit-led, reciting the word, desperation, pleading, thanksgiving, universal, and pinpoint . In listening to the responses to the blog sent off this morning at 4 am, by 6 am many of the above types of prayer had already been received.

I am so blessed with family who pray, friends who pray, co-workers who pray, Internet blog prayer warriors who pray, churches who pray, pastors who pray, delivery people who pray, and those in the Pray for My Dad prayer group who pray. 

Whenever my story is heard, Your Grace enters in and the response is always an offering of prayer; 
some in promise
some in enlisting others to join.
One in particular called his pastor to pray for me right then over the telephone.

Each of these touches Your heart, God, as they touch mine.

I thank you, Lord, for their love and their responses.

Blessed be Your Name.

Hospital Update

It's the wee hours of Sunday morning. Stew's vitals have been checked and 3 am labs taken. Our room is quiet except for the soft clicking sound of the machines and his peaceful breathing. Hopefully we will be able to return home today.

He has done well except for some headaches, a reaction to the prep IV, and bone discomfort. The chemo protocol this time is called DHAP with Ritoxan and steroids. It has been a much longer treatment as the Carboplatin alone requires 2 ten hour IVs.

We did learn that normally no more than 3 cycles are given because as the doctor shared, "the body can not handle more than that." (That alone speaks volumes to us as to how strong this chemo regimen is.) So, after the next cycle a pet scan will be taken to check for the remission we are prayerfully seeking, followed by one more treatment.

Medical City Dallas is a new hospital for us, but the staff  here on the 12th floor cancer ward are so professional,  kind, caring, and helpful. They even sweetly tease Stew and I for being so "cute." Not sure what that means, but we will take it!

We have walked many times around the floor while here, and each time we pass the door for the stem cell lab hope springs up that one day soon there will be some healthy ones in there labeled with Stew's name.

As strange as it may sound, we do miss the infusion center. Not because of the chemo treatments we received, but because of the fellow cancer patients we journeyed with while there. There is a quick and close camaraderie that can happen when people are walking in a similar experience. Except for a few,  personal walls rapidly come down and hearts are bared. Relationships in that moment quickly bypass surface hellos, and connect in the laughter, tears, frustrations, encouragement, and joy that comes from a warring place of pain, hope...and for some, faith.

To Stew and I, it was a picture of what relationships can be in the body of Christ.

May your today be filled with hope.
Love,
Stew and Deb
Faces to the Wall

Day 1

For all of Stew's and my married life, I have been an early riser. Waking up, even on weekends, between 4 and 6 am. This past year though that has changed. Most mornings now, when Stew leaves for work,  I am still snuggled in bed with my head under the cover until 7-7:30 am.

Each day without fail, he leans over, and softly kisses me on the forehead or cheek before picking up his lunchbox and heading out the door. That gentle act of love sets the tone for the remainder of my day. It causes me to feel safe, loved, and cherished.

Today, while sitting here typing and looking out the window, the reminder is present that our God does the same for us, and so much more. He displays His love for us with His gentle touch, the stirring of hope in our hearts, and His Word that still breathes life in us. He reveals His love in ways that are too numerous to count. And, in Him there is safety...refuge...hope.

Wednesday we had an appointment with a new doctor who is now a part of our care, Dr. B. He entered the conference room with a kind, confident, and serious manner. Using a white board he drew diagrams, wrote statistics, and key words as he explained to us in greater detail what mantle cell was, where Stew is in the medical realm of things, and what our options might be from a Hematologist/Oncologist/Stem Cell Transplant physician perspective.

Dr. B. shared with us that medically the only possible cure is for Stew to have a stem cell transplant, but that cannot be done as long as Stew is not in remission and totally cancer free. Currently the cancer is not only there, but is growing.

He asked questions, allowed us to ask ours, and listened to us intently. We are thankful Dr. B is now a part of our care.

Basically, from a medical perspective, we have only one viable option at this time that may bring remission. It is another different chemo protocol that Stew and I have named the German chemo. It can be more difficult for the body to handle and requires a three day hospital stay when it is administered. It will operate on a three week cycle so it will be three days in the hospital...28 days at home...three days in the hospital...28 days at home...

They did the stem cell biopsy that same day. The first one Stew was asleep, this one he was awake and I was allowed to be there. He handled it with his usual "let's do this" courageous attitude. I truthfully don't know how. It was painful to watch let alone be the one having it done.

And, today is Day 1. Stew is being admitted to the hospital this morning. Bags are packed and sitting by the front door as we wait for a phone call saying that a bed is ready. It is a new hospital with a new doctor and a new team (Dr. K is still involved).

We are moving into a new unknown place. But, we aren't alone. We have each other, our family, and all of you who have been standing with us in prayer and words of encouragement, kindness, and life.

Above all else, we have our God.  We are so thankful that He loves us beyond our fears, through all tears, and each day brings us to His place of safety, refuge, and hope.

Know that we are not giving up! Please keep believing with us.

We'll be posting brief updates through the next few days.

Thanking the Father for you.  Praying for you and your family.


In love and hope
Faces to the Wall
Stew and Deb

96 Days

In November, prior to discovering we would need to wait thirty days for Stew's Pet Scan to be completed, I woke up in the wee hours of the morning with these words written across my mind. "Will you trust me without chemo?"

 Stew had experienced a rough night with fever and bone pain, so I quietly slid out of bed and walked to my prayer room. Sinking into my "God" chair, the words resounded again. "Will you trust me without chemo?" For a moment, it felt as if there was no air to breathe.

The "spiritual" thing to probably do would have been to respond with a resounding, "Yes." That didn't happen. Instead, curled up in the chair with eyes closed I whispered, "We need you." As tears began to slowly fall, it was as if the Father covered me with the warm peace of His love. Sleep came.

Later that day, when sharing with Stew, his response was simply, "Sounds like we're going to get to, doesn't it?" The following month we learned that was exactly what we were facing.

And so the days march on.
33 days has become 96:
96 days of trusting our Father not chemo.
96 days without treatment of any kind.
96 days of hoping above and beyond what we see.
96 days of seeing Stew display courage while slowly returning to the weariness, discomfort, and pain that had marked the beginning of the journey.
96 days of experiencing God's kindness over and over again.
96 days of doing life and making memories.
96 days in God's waiting room.
96  days together.
96 days to remember  Our God is able.
 96 days to be strengthened that "Even if" ... He is here.


They haven't always been an easy 96 days, but we're still here and so is He!

Love and prayers for you and yours,
Stew and Deb

Words He has spoken to our hearts the past 96 days.

Good morning,

Asking for prayers this morning as Dad has been feeling rough this week. Been a few weeks of disappointing news, followed by big decisions. Ultimately we need a miracle.

I was reminded this week of a passage in Isaiah 58:8 that says:

8 Then shall your light break forth as the morning, and thine healing shall break forth speedily; and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy reward.

9 Then shall thou call, and the Lord shall answer. Thou shalt cry, and he will say, Here I am.

Thank you for continuing in calling on the Lord, we are believing for the miracle hand of God.

Love to you all,
Ben

It's a Faith Walk, Not a Sight Walk Reminder

After Surgery Update

Well, the good news is that Stew is home. The unexpected news is once Dr. J. saw the size of the mantle cell lymphoma tumors in the abdomen and cecum, and the areas they were attached to, he felt it was too much of a risk to try and remove them.  What he actually saw was that the tumors were much larger than expected, and had infiltrated the areas around them, more than the Pet Scan revealed. So, he stopped the surgery and simply stitched the incisions back up. That is all we know at this time. When we meet with Dr. K. we will learn more about any options we might have.

Stew has been sleeping most of the day except when the discomfort of the incisions becomes too painful. But, he has eaten and we did listen to a powerful teaching by Pastor Morris on  the Purpose of Prayer. It is the first of 7 about the Lord's Prayer. One line in particular really impacted us both. He said that God never intended for us to carry our burdens any further than the feet of Jesus. We needed that reminder.

During our time at the hospital, we were so touched by the kindness of everyone responsible for Stew's care. We had a very nice nurse who took care of him pre-op. While waiting to go to surgery we talked about everything to include our faith, the very long healing process she is currently walking through, our families, dogs, favorite books read, and even The Shack. As Stew was taken to surgery we ended our time together with hugs and the promise of prayers.

After surgery, and once we were on the oncology floor, we were so blessed to see the same precious cleaning lady who had cleaned Stew's room when he was there for his first chemo treatment 7 months ago. She has a smile that only Jesus can give.  She literally radiates His love and compassion. We  had the gift of visiting for a few minutes. She shared that her Pastor was continually reminding her that we all needed to keep our eyes on Jesus...all the time! Perfect words at the perfect moment.

Stew also had a visit from one of the Veteran Volunteers. They each shared a few military experiences (both were in Vietnam) and he gave Stew the certificate pictured below.

Later in the day we found out that a dear friend of Amy's (and a new friend of mine), whom we have been praying for and who has been praying for us, had been admitted to the same hospital. She is a mighty prayer warrior who has fought her own battle of health for a very long time. Yet, there she was, sending texts to check on Stew...on us...through out the day. We were able to visit some the next morning which was a day brightener.

Add to all of the above, the fact that my sis fell and was in the emergency room for part of our time there (she is okay, but very sore) , we can truthfully say that none of our time at the hospital fell under the category of a "normal" stay.

We were asked yesterday how we were doing. There has definitely been a "cry" moment...actually, two...well, three...on my part.   Stew has experienced a few "quiet" moments, especially after realizing the surgery did not go as hoped. We have questions waiting to be asked, and answers we are hoping to hear.

But, we are also thankful that we have the gift of sharing life together. 

Thank you for praying, for your patience with us the past couple of days as our correspondence has not been as quick as we normally try to make it, and for your loving encouragement expressed in texts, cards, and even the gift of our meals being covered while Stew was in the hospital. Without you, and our beautiful supportive family, the days would be much more challenging and the battle much more wearying.

With hearts of gratitude,
Stew and Deb

A few pictures from the past couple of days.

The bravest , strongest man I know...my warrior!