November 2017 Catch Up in Photographs 1

November 2017 began pretty rough for Stew. Within a few days of Ben returning to Tennessee, Stew began battling a 102-103 fever even with Tylenol. It came on totally unexpected. 

We knew, and so did our team, that he had been experiencing more stomach pain, muscle pain, and that his energy level had been decreasing but it was thought to simply be where we were in the process. But, when we went to sleep one night and I woke up feeling as though a furnace was against me alarms went off inside my head. Fevers that do not go away and are unexplained are the dreaded complication that no one wants to have. 

Stew had experienced them at night before. He had even had night sweats. But nothing like this. No matter what we tried, or the on call doctor suggested, we could not get the fever to break. (And, of course this was on a weekend.)

So, late Sunday evening found us driving to Medical City Dallas Emergency Room. Somehow the 35-45 minute drive seemed to take so much longer than it normally did. They quickly took him back to a private room and began doing tests.

At 4 am, after multiple tests and an IV, it was determined that Stew possibly had something viral. They released us to return home with the instructions to see our doctor in the morning. Stew slept off and on as we traveled home and I alternated between prayer and talking out all my feelings to the Father.

Once Dr. B. and Katie saw him later that day they immediately made arrangements for his admission to the hospital.  By this time he was in so much pain that it hurt him to even move his head. 

Stew ended up remaining in the hospital for 8 days. His fever went up to 103.8. None of the initial tests indicated anything definite as to a cause for the high temperature, bed drenching sweats, or the pain.

When ever Stew was able to fall asleep, the chapel became my place of rest and a few tears. I could sit there and "Be still" as the Father's peace flooded the room and me. The minute I entered, the prayers of so many before me could be felt along with His Presence. 

                                           

And God in His infinite mercy continued to make His love known to us in many many ways. My sis and Amy were lifelines for us. Dawn made arrangements with her boss to work from our home. She came and stayed at the house for 6 days taking care of dogs, doing things in the house and visiting the hospital each day with goodies for me to eat. Amy, Shi, and Noah helped out wherever was needed, too. Their love and the visits from people who were faithful to be there made things a lot easier. Homemade chicken soup with fruit was even brought to us by dear friends. 

 We were strengthened by the amazing care of nurses, assistants, and those in housekeeping. Stew's room became a place where prayers were offered and life stories were shared...theirs and ours. One nurse said she felt peace and hope whenever she came to see him. Even the dietitian intern who visited our room for a satisfaction survey shared with Stew some of his life which led to the discussion of a common faith in God.

At the end of a long and sometimes painful hospital stay we all knew what had happened. The targeted therapy pill Stew had been taking (our strongest remaining possible door opener for a stem cell transplant) had become toxic to his body. Once they discontinued it the fevers began to drop and pain lessened. It meant though that there was no other available treatment for Stew at that time.

Not things we wanted to hear, but we were so so thankful he was well enough to go home that we chose to let gratitude and joy flood our hearts and block fear from filling our minds.  How could we not be thankful? He had entered the hospital in a wheel chair and he was leaving walking on his own!

God was continuing to add to our days!

P.S. Two weeks later a new targeted therapy pill was released from clinical trials! The hand of the Father and the prayers of those who are faithful (you) continue keep the doors open for miracles.

With love and gratitude,

Stew and Deb 

https://youtu.be/uHz0w-HG4iU

Great are You Lord by Sons and Daughters

A Day Dreams are Made of...

On a scale of 1-10, most of Stew's days physically are between a 3 and 5. We consider those to be good days because they are not a 1 or 2. Number 3 days are pretty rough, and we definitely like number 5 days better, but with rest, making adjustments, and prayerful determination there is still a lot of life to enjoy.





Today though was a number 6 day!! We were overjoyed! All we could do was look at each other and smile. Many may not realize it, but Stew has not enjoyed a day feeling this way since everything began over  a year ago. Yes, he was still tired. Yes, he was still hurting. Yes, he had come through two weeks of fever, cough, and bronchitis, but today he was feeling one step better!!







So, after preparing and delivering a week of meals to a family who has battled colds and flu for two weeks, we decided to try a walk at one of my go-to  peacefully happy places...






Towne Lake.    
Granted, Stew and I might occasionally walk around the block together, but the path around the lake is approximately a mile. We have visited there before and walked a short distance, or he has sat and enjoyed the view while I journeyed around the lake. Today was different, though.  Today he felt he could walk the entire distance. It was a special moment to hear him say, "I think I can do this."
                                                                                                                         

So, with a few brief rest stops along the way...

 and a time to be thankful as we dreamed about the possibilities of days yet to come...

He made it!!

We ended our day with a mini celebration trip to Smoothie King where we were joined by Shiloh and Amy...

and then home for some restful sleep.

Our hearts are full,
                   hopes are anchored,
                                 and hands raised in thanks for the Father's gift of Grace.


Faces to the Wall,
Stew and Deb

More photo catch ups from November and December yet to come. We just wanted to share this praise with each of you! 

Praise and Prayer update: Thank you for your prayers as we prepared for our appointment with Dr. B. He shared with us that Stew's spleen is significantly enlarged, but he wants to monitor it a bit longer with the hopes that this new medicine will cause it to diminish in size. He also told us, after we asked, that Stew being clean (total remission) for a Stem Cell Transplant is much less of a possibility now.
But...God!!  His mercies are new every morning...and today is proof!!

https://youtu.be/oh2goMABFPc

Photo Catch Up (1)

Ben, our son, has been making a trip to see us approximately every three to four months since his dad has been ill. His most recent one was the end of October. What an encouragement it was to have two days together!

This time we were able to meet Debby and Clarke for lunch at Petra's. We had been wanting them and Ben to meet for such a long time. But, I forgot to take a single picture!!

Pictures from the rest of the time, though:

 A ten minute stop at Towne Lake for a few father and son pictures before going home for a nap.

              Evening spent with Amy and family was filled with laughter, LOTS of talking, remember -when stories, and charades.

                                           

There was also a special first dance for Shi with her Uncle Ben...

(Even though Stew was a bit unsteady on his feet, tired, and not feeling his best, he tried dancing, too.  Little did we know that two days later he would begin running a high fever and become very ill. It is times like those captured in these two videos that help keep us anchored in hope and thankful.)

and a time of worship with prayer.

Our hearts were full and our smiles huge!!

Thankful!

Hello dear friends and family,

It has been a long time since writing and we are truly sorry. We could give a lot of reasons why, but the truth is there aren't any really good ones, just real ones.

At first it was due to a couple of unexpected crises in our lives.  That was then followed by the in-the- face reality that each time I sat down to write there were no words waiting to be written.

I kept hoping it would change. For a while though, it didn't. Words just weren't coming together for a blog post.

When they finally did, we could no longer access our blogsite account. At that point, we wondered if it was time to stop the blog. We knew the posts had been going out for over a year and a half and that was a long time for others to keep reading about people who are in a battle that on the surface does not seem to be improving.

The original purpose of "Face to the Wall"  was to keep those who followed it informed and for prayer for Stew. It grew into sharing about our lives, the many kindnesses and hope God has brought into our days, and hopefully encouraging others about God's loving presence in their own life situations.  We are currently praying for wisdom to know if the blog is now only meeting our need to have a journal, in which case it can be written as a personal dairy instead.  Or, is it God's purpose for us to continue on as is with the hopes that others are reading it and being encouraged as they prayed for Stew ?

Waiting for wisdom.

In the interim, and now that access has been restored to "Face to the Wall", we will create a few picture filled blog posts with mini updates from the past couple of months. We have missed you.

We hope you had a wonderful Christmas season and that you have entered into the New Year with the God given gift of many hopes and dreams for the days to come.

With hearts of gratitude to the One Whose loving kindness still has us here doing life together, and for each of you who have shared your life and His with us,
Stew and Deb

More questions answered and more to follow

Has anyone suggested that you should not do chemo? 

Yes. More than once. No one in our family has. At least, not in a conversation with us.😊  But, a few friends or acquaintances have. Usually though, when Stew is actually in that conversation, he just smiles and says, "I hope you are never in the position of having to make the decision." That to me is called grace.

How do you feel about others recommending no chemo to you?

At first, it surprised us because it was known we had already prayerfully made the decision. It is a difficult place to be when someone makes that recommendation. Especially if it is shared with the idea that God only brings healing through a natural route, chemo only kills, or chemo is not God's plan. Somehow that thought process immediately puts Stew's decision to have chemo in the "you are wrong and not following God" category. 

Stew says so little and is so accepting, but recently he said to me with a wry half smile, "So, Deb, if what I am prayerfully doing doesn't work, then since I have taken chemo it is my fault that God doesn't heal me? I hope not. That is not the God I know." 

Have you received a lot of suggestions as to things to do to be healed, and if so, how do you feel about that?

Yes, we have. For us, suggested helps and information are appreciated for the most part. A lot of it depends on timing, good communication, and the relationship. An active caring relationship is an important and necessary backdrop to informational sharing when you are fighting each day to live. Otherwise the person with cancer can easily feel like a project to be fixed. Actually, that is probably true in anything people face.

We know though that most suggestions or opinions shared are coming from a sincere desire to be helpful, and help solve what seems-to-be-at-the-time a possibly unsolvable disease. They come from a place of caring. 

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Well, we have a new "normal" in our life right now. It includes 4 Imbruvica capsules each morning, and a pray, wait, and see holding pattern.  There are not as many labs being taken, or tests being run. 

And, we have approximately two weeks between appointments.

It sounds like a good thing, doesn't it? Yet, for some reason it now seems as if we are facing a greater unknown. We don't have a check once or twice each week to see how Stew is doing, or to monitor his process. All we have are the symptoms he is experiencing. It is another step of "we walk by faith, not by sight." And, even though the changes are an adjustment, walking by faith in our Father truly is a more anchored safe place to be. He is faithful and loves Stew more than anyone else can. Remembering His truth helps to keep the fear that tries to attack at bay.

Stew and I have been so wanting to see "autumn" in all its splendor.  It is not something you can do much of where we live, so we made a short 2 hour drive to East Texas with hopes of at least a small glimpse. A glimpse is all we saw, but it certainly was a sweet one to our West Virginia hearts.

A few pictures are included below.

Giving heartfelt thanks for you in our lives, and the many kindnesses of the Father seen in our days.

Stew and Deb

Faces to the Wall

So glad Amy and kids joined us for the first night and day.

Next year maybe we will be able to launch that canoe together into the water. One of many things to look forward to when Stew is healed. Hope alive.

Fall beginning. Seasons changing.

Early morning time with the Father.

Surprise blessing!

This past Saturday we completed the Walk to End Alzheimer's in honor of our mom and many others. It was a bittersweet time filled with many memories, sweet moments, and times of sorrow. 

Team Side by Side


Stew had been determined in the month prior to at least try the walk, so on better days, we would walk the main street of our neighborhood to help increase his endurance, balance, and strength. 
He came on Saturday prepared with his cane, a huge smile, and prayerful determination. He  successfully made it to the first curve in the trail before turning back to the starting point, which was also the finish line. There he sat and waited for us to complete the three mile walk. 
He is amazing!
But that's not the only blessing in the day.

As Stew reminded us in the blog he wrote recently, two of his hopes when diagnosed with cancer last year were to be in remission (healed) and to attend a Steeler's football game. As everyone already knows, neither have happened... yet.

But sometimes in life, what we seems to be a hope not realized, is actually an open door for a different type of blessing.

Enter my sister who loves Stew very much.

Unbeknownst to us, she contacted the Steeler organization through various means, including  a registered letter, and shared some of Stew's story.

Look what happened!!

 Stew now owns one of the Steeler footballs that has all the signatures of the team players to include those of Ben Rothlisberger, James Harrison, Antonio  Brown, and LeVeon Bell!

As you can tell from the pictures, this was a very special emotional moment for him,  and for all of us sitting around the table.

There are no words to express how thankful we are for our sis who prayed, trusted God, thought outside of the box, and went for the seemingly impossible. And, to the Steeler's organization who sent the football.

Stew said this was even better than getting to see a game!

Still trusting the Father...Faces to the Wall.

Continued prayers for you and yours.

Love,

Stew and Deb

Prayer Requests:

*Please continue to pray for health, healing...a miracle!

*At our last appointment we learned that the trial we were hoping to be accepted in is closed. Our hospital has been approved to participate in the trial which is an answer to prayer. But, it looks as though it won't be available till February 2018 or later that year.

This Tuesday they will be doing a lumbar puncture to check the fluid in his spine for possible hidden cancer in that area. It appears medically that the cancer continues to advance. Please pray for a good report. We are so ready to hear something positive and hopeful.

Early Morning Reflection, Prayer, and Praise

Woke up this morning at 2 am, looked at Stew sleeping next to me, and overwhelming gratitude flooded my heart for another day together. I reached over to touch his hand, not wanting to wake him up as good sleep is hard to come by for him right now, and even in his sleep his hand gently squeezed mine in return. I laid there in our bed at peace and thought, "these are more of the moments that hope is made of." Maybe it's a "girl" thing, but there are times when I need to just touch him and remind myself that he really is still here and we are still doing life together! Father, what a gift that is! Thank you!

P.S. Unexpected gift yesterday evening from a sweet and powerful prayer warrior.  Encouragement shared with perfect timing! Isn't the title so fitting?

Thank you, Robbie!

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