Prayer and God's "More" Love

Stew and Shi working on a craft project.:-)

Stew was due for his day 11 shot of the chemo velcade today. It didn't happen. Both the wbc and neutrophils counts are too low even for the injection. First time he has been unable to complete a round of chemo. No more velcade will be given till the next round.

That means another three days of the filgrastim shots and then a return visit to see Dr. K. on the 14th of December. At that time labs will be done, we will know if he can begin the final round of chemo, and what steps need to be taken, if not.

Also, we haven't shared this before in so many words, but Stew has been  progressively feeling worse in his physical body. The stomach discomfort has increased and  pretty much makes itself known at some level 24/7.  There is more bone pain, and he can now feel with his hands some of the larger lymphomas in his stomach.  That said, we still believe He is being healed, we are enjoying life, and we are ever thankful that your prayers and faith continue to be added to ours without weariness in waiting for the Father's answer.

Praise:

You

God's love

Our family

Friends like family

Stew's prayerfully determined attitude

Gluten free toast and tea

The power that happens when people pray together and believe.

Faces to the Wall:

Healing inside out

With love and grateful hearts,

Stew and Deb

Our anthem today reminding us of the Father's amazing love for us no matter what.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZgQlbGypiY

Questions asked...

Stew and I thought that for the next couple posts we would answer some questions asked...and some not asked.

1. How did you both feel when you were told Stew had cancer and what was possibly ahead? 

Stunned. It felt as if it were a dream and not our real life. We alternated between good "what ifs" and not so good "what ifs." Yet, each time we would talk the conversation would eventually turn to the truth that God can do beyond what man thinks and imagines. Sometimes we would run quickly to that truth in faith and sometimes we crawled. Sometimes with joy and sometimes with tears. But, we soon realized all that mattered was that we  ran to Him. We are learning that God doesn't hold the "temporary" shaken condition of our faith against us like man does. He simply wants us to draw near to Him, and He will take care of the rest. Strength isn't what we think it is. It is not us having all things together. It is knowing to hide/rest in the One Who does. 

2. What did you do when you received the news? 

When we  received all the "definite" news, we were also told that Stew needed to be in the hospital quickly. We made  phone calls to our family, bought something sweet (even me), went home, fed the dogs, let them out, turned off our phones, prayed a very short prayer (no words), and went to bed holding each other until we fell asleep. It was only 6:30 pm in the evening. Next morning he was admitted to the hospital.

3. Is anything normal now?

There is no normal in the sense we all think of as being normal. For us, normal is whatever the day brings. We are learning that circumstances do not bring  normalcy, we as people do. We realize now that the idea of normal is highly over-rated, but living life isn't. 

Some days we pack our goody bag, kindle chargers, and activity tote with books and games for a 6-7 hour day at the infusion center only to be sent home because labs are critically low. Other days we get to stay.  Normal.

There are days when Stew might sleep most of the day, go to bed at 5 pm, or stay up till 10:00. (That last part is rare:-) Normal.

 There are evenings we eat a meal together, and evenings that find us eating a slice of gluten free toast with a cup of tea because that is all Stew's stomach can handle at the end of the day. Normal.

Cancer and chemo has changed our idea of normal. Anything can happen, God helps us go with it, and that is our new normal. 

4. What changes has cancer brought to your way of eating, or has it? 

Well, Stew has totally given up anything with sugar, wheat, red meat, and white flour. (He's now eating more like me) He is drinking at least 6 bottles of water a day, where before he maybe drank one. And, we  have removed most, not all, of the processed food in our household.

5. Why the mask? 

Whenever neutrophils are too low, Stew is more vulnerable to sickness and disease. If we have to go out, or want to, the mask is a protection-necessary inconvenience. Or, we can view it as a blessing because otherwise he would be stuck at home some of the time. Now, don't get the idea he always likes wearing it, he doesn't. Who would? It is an immediate red flag to all who see you that you are ill. So the eyes of others are either averted, staring, pitying, uncomfortable, or understanding.  As he says, "At first I wouldn't wear it. But,  as in all things, when you pray God can change your outlook." It is not always needed though. Just depends on the labs.

Because of the mask, Amy, Stew, Shi, and I have played with ideas of ways to decorate them, or messages to put on them. The things we come up with always end with us cracking up in laughter.  A strange chemo type of humor. We've even thought about beginning our own line of chemo wear. (No one steal that idea!!)

One Amy thought of was a mask with the words "Does this mask make me look bald?" Another idea she and Stew both like is a Darth Vader decorated mask. And, of course, I personally think a mask decorated in Steeler colors would be phenomenal!!

6. Why so many delays in chemo?

When Stew's wbc and neutrophils are in a critical stage (too low) it is not safe for his body to undergo chemo, so it is delayed. It is part of the battle we face. It can happen, too, the further along you are in chemo. For Stew, one factor is that the bone marrow is diseased with cancer also.

7. Are you ever afraid?   If so, of what?

Stew: I don't feel like I get afraid, but the thought does cross my mind "What if I don't make remission? What happens next to me...for Deb?" 

Deb: There are moments, especially when I see Stew sleeping or he reaches over to hold my hand. When those moments happen love and pain simultaneously grab my heart as it silently cries out to God with the same words every time. "Father, I don't want to lose him." God is then so kind and faithful to remind me that He has this. (Some days I need a lot of reminding)

Okay, more questions answered in the next post and then a glimpse of the cancer clinic/infusion center through our eyes. (Still haven't forgotten the story I said we would share about Samuel.) 

Face to the Wall:

Update: 

Stew has one more Velcade injection on 5 December and then a break till 15 December. At that time we begin the last round of this cycle. 

Prayer:

Miraculous healing.

Stable labs/blood levels.

Protection against infections.

Guidance as to what to do next.

Wisdom for Dr. K. and blessings on her as she moves into her future.

Eyes to see and heart to make a difference to all we meet.

Our family-they are walking through this the same as we are.

Christ in us to be seen, regardless what is taking place.

Those that are praying for us...YOU! Abundant blessings and health!

Deeply thanking God upon every remembrance of you! 

Stew and Deb

1 Peter 1:3- Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

Fighting cancer is definitely reminding Stew and I that we are not in control of the circumstances we face, and it is foolishness for us to even presume that we are. The past few days have continued to drive home the truth that even though it is a tremendous blessing to have skilled doctors and caring professionals in our lives, our hope can not rest in what they say, who they are, or what they do. Believe me, it is an easy trap to fall into, but when we do, hope becomes something we have to fight for instead of Someone to rest in.

When all of this began three months ago, we truly believed that at this point (over half way through) we would be on the rejoicing side of cancer with indicators of remission or cure. But, we're not there. That doesn't mean we're not going to be, just that the time hasn't yet come. It appears that, if we agree, a different chemo protocol will be tried once this cycle of treatments ends.

So, while we are still waiting and believing, please know how thankful we are that you are in God's waiting room with us...praying, praising, and waging warfare. It strengthens us.  Thank you!

Prayer Requests:

*Stew: White blood cell count and neutrophils to return to an acceptable range, and bone pain to be gone.  Chemo was to be given yesterday, but both counts were critically low so it has been delayed till next Monday. Neutrophils are only at .22 which means filgrastim injections are being given. They can have a side effect of bone pain which he is experiencing.
*Dr. K.: Favor on her new job, and that others will be blessed by her as we have been. She will no longer be at the cancer clinic after the end of the year. Honestly, this news set us back at first as she has not only been Stew's doctor, but also a source of encouragement and prayer.
* New hematology oncologist: To be expertly skilled, operate in wisdom, and one who sees Stew as a person, not just as a patient.
* Healing!
* Opportunities: For us to make a difference in someone's day each time we are at the clinic.

Praises:

*Special moments with family.
*Encouragement from friends
*God's love and strength
*Hope
*Music
*Rainy days
*Laughter
*Stew's smile
*A man named Samuel (more about him in the next post.)
*You!

With hearts filled with gratitude and HOPE!
Stew and Deb
Romans 12: 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer.

It's Just One Day

 It's Just One Day...

Thursday, Stew and I had our appointment with Dr. K. to receive the results of the Pet Scan. From the very beginning we knew that at the chemo halfway mark this test would be done and the results of it would indicate how the treatments were working. The hopes were that it would show significant reduction in the cancer, and possibly point to a remission.

Imagine then, what it was like on Wednesday, when the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart repeatedly "It's only one day. It's only one day." It began in early morning prayer and continued throughout the hours to come. Didn't matter what was going on...He was gently reminding me over and over again of the message we needed to hear. At Mardels...there He was. Sprouts...He was there, too. Lowe's...more of the same. 

Truthfully, my initial response fluctuated between fighting of tears, shouting the words as if they were a battle cry to the enemy, and saying "Thank you, Father, for the reminder."  The words should not have come as a surprise though, because we had already shared with family that in prayer a week prior the Lord had spoken to us there were still battles to come, but that meant victories were coming too.  They were still a surprise, though.

 When Stew and I discussed it in bed Wed. evening, we realized that the Holy Spirit was issuing encouragement and preparation to our hearts. Not a discouragement or denial, regardless of where our thoughts and feeling were trying to take us. Our Father was giving us a caring reminder that what ever we heard, it was just "one day" out of eternity, just "one day"in His provision and plan for our life, and it was up to us to make a decision to believe that it was just "one day" closer to hope evidenced...regardless of any report.  

Thursday afternoon, we were told that Stew's labs are the best they have been! Even though they still need to improve that is a big Yay! We were also told a few auxiliary lymphomas had shrunk or were gone, including the small one in his chest, and that a couple in the spleen had begun to decrease slightly in size. More praise! 

Then the gentle talk. The several tumors in the abdomen and colon remain. Stew is still Stage 4. Dr. K. shared we have two more rounds to complete at this time, and then we are probably looking at another series of chemo treatments. (not sure if it will be a different protocol or the same) There was no talk of remission at this time.

She is also beginning the process for Stew to be considered for a bone marrow transplant, and be seen by a mantle cell oncologist at MD Anderson.

As always, our visit ended with her asking about our family, telling us to hang in there, encouraging us, and reminding us that she is praying and believes we are headed in the right direction. Our visit ended with a Dr. K hug.:-)

So, we thank you once again for continuing to turn your face to the wall in prayer, and not growing weary on this journey. Our hearts continue to be filled with overwhelming gratitude for you!

Prayer requests:

* Healing! 

*Wisdom and favor with insurance for treatments, a visit to MD Anderson, and the possible bone marrow transplant.

*Stew's strength and not to be totally overcome with fatigue. 

*For us to be an encouragement and comfort to those in the cancer center who are walking a similar path, and those who care for us there. Creative ideas as to how to make a difference and bring some hope.

*Dr. K.-God's blessings on her, her family, and her staff.

Rejoicing in the gift of you, and the love of Our Father,

Stew and Deb

Steven Curtis Chapman - "Warrior" (feat. scenes from War Room)

 Warriors

Feeling such gratitude this afternoon for those who are Warriors with us, calling on the powerful Name of Jesus for Stew, and causing the enemy to tremble and flee.



Praying for you and yours today.

Stew and Deb

Today...

Pet Scan Day

Good morning!! Today is Stew's "1/2 way thru chemo...believing for an amazing report" pet scan. For 2 hours he gets to have the scan. We're believing it's only a 2 hour test to a life time of confirmed healing. Trusting the Father.

Monday's chemo was a go...after a 10 day delay for labs to be where they needed to be. But, what matters when it is all said and done is the fact they lined up! Will share more about that day's events in the next post, A lot happened and we saw God so many times over throughout the 6
 1/2 hour day.

Thank you for "Face to the Wall" praying and standing in agreement with us for healing. You are teaching us what it means to truly be a part of the body of Christ the way the Father intended it to be.

With hearts of gratitude for you and to the Father,

Stew and Deb

Masked Crusader/My Hero: 

No chemo today. When we arrived at the clinic, the first thing our chemo nurse did was draw Stew's blood to send to the lab. It wasn't long before the doctor came in carrying the lab report with the word "critical" in red, once again.

She kindly explained to us that even though the wbc had gone up some, the neutrophil count dropped more and was a .48. Much too low to proceed with chemo at this time. Treatment has been postponed till next Monday where we will try again.

In the interim Stew gets to avoid groups of people, wash his hands all the time, and wear a very stylish mask when he goes out. His response...he always wanted to be a masked crusader. :-) 

And, he's quite a handsome one if I do say so myself! 

You can't tell from the picture, but the masks they gave him this time are a soft sunshine yellow. Not his first choice of color, but I kind of like it.

Initially, it was a bit of a disappointment, but all is well. We are choosing to believe Stew's body is responding more and more each day to God's total health and healing...the tests just haven't discovered it yet.

Thank you for continuing to agree with us in prayer. What a gift you are!

Face to the Wall

Gary and Deb